Thoughts Of Contemplation
Bending thoughts into better shapes
Creation Builds Creation

The struggle of creating, and being creative is that we try to call upon it when we do not practice it on a daily basis. We are trying to draw upon something we are not consistently working on, so can we call on something that is dwindling as time goes on? Imagine drawing out steel wire, if you have no steel that is heated where can you draw it from? This idea of constantly creating leads to a stream of hot steel that can be drawn out and molded to whatever is needed, it allows for the creativity within to flourish as it's constantly on. It is the consistency of a practice that allows for greatness to shine, a great example of consistency of a creative pursuit is Tinkered Thinking, he has written over 920 posts, writing every single day and then also doing the podcast - now if we were to ask him to write a dozen posts in a single day, it wouldn't be a problem; that isn't because he is magical, it is because of the compounding of creation every single day for over 1000 days (who knows maybe 5,000).

Creation creates creation, it's similar to a flywheel, it is properlling itself forward, all one has to do is show up and put in the work. When these posts are written, they are writing them self. This is what occurs once the compounding effect of showing up everyday add up, creation simply occurs. Now the cavate is the more that is consumed without contemplation, the harder creation becomes, the more drone like one becomes. The act of thinking and contemplating what is being consumed allows for creation to thrive, new connections are being made, and a different manner of living is occurring. This is all to say create daily, contemplate as much as possible and that will fold into creation.

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The idea of what goes around, comes around is helpful to keep people in line, and to make us as people in a society do 'good' actions, yet it can't be helped to question if karma exists. We want to believe the good things we do will come back to us, and we are told that the bad things we do now, will come back at us in the future. We end up doing good things for the sake of having them back to us, and we avoid doing bad things so bad things don't happen to us, yet are these actions purely good?

These actions sound more selfish than anything, so would karma apply? We may be helping others because we want to be helped in the future, or we may avoid playing a mean prank on a person because we don't want that to happen to us, but none of these actions are inherently good, they are done out of necessity. This is the risk we run when we choose to believe in karma, we are doing 'good' actions so we can be rewarded, it is like putting volunteering on your resume - volunteering was done simply to pad the states and allow one to get a job, it wasn't done out of the goodness of your heart. That is the problem with the idea of karma and volunteering, when someone does something nice or good, it should simply done because it is the right thing to do, not because of the potential to have future gains (that should simply be a pleasant surprise). None of that help was done selflessly nor was it done out of the kindness of ones heart, it was done as a means to an end, and that is why we have internships and favors.

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Agreement With Death

Living requires an agreement with death, when we choose to live we have accepted that we are going to die and with that acceptance comes freedom. We become less obsessed about living forever and more obsessed with living in accordance to ourselves, knowing that we are going to die and that death is a part of living. We must agree to death before we can fully accept life, which is to say we are accepting that life is changing from moment to moment and that we can not control things.

This acceptance of death ends up allowing us to live for ourselves and to do as much as we can well we are still alive because the god of death walks beside us; if we fail to live as best as we can, we are mocking everyone who came before us, and mocking the god of death. This leads for most people to feel inadequate and unworthy of living. We stop worrying about the little things that go wrong in life, and begin to worry about what kind of impact we are having on the world. It is no longer about a single red light, a rude comment made by a stranger, but about what is being contributed to the world and to those around you. This difference in mental framework, is what allows for true freedom in living, realizing that most actions and consequences are inconsequential, whereas others may be vitally important - to pick wisely on what we choose to give a fuck about, and what is just gibberish we feel we need in order to have drama in our lives.

It is with the acceptance of death, that we reprioritize what is important to us and who we want to be - without death, we wander aimlessly - a boat lost at sea.

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Campfire Silence

Most of us live in big cities, rushing from one meeting to the next never taking a moment to pause and breathe, believing that pushing ahead is the only option. This seeking of trying to fit more into a day and forgoing taking care of yourself leads to negative outcomes of wellness and productivity. Some of us may seek the wilderness and a nice campfire to go to annually whilst playing music or checking your phone, thinking that being in a forest is disconnected when in reality the connection to all the of the world is never went away, it was barely even placed on the back burner. This gives us a fall sense of recharging and being free, when what we really need is a simple campfire within a forest or perhaps even in the backyard, no phones, no music, just the roar of the fire.

This method of disconnecting instills a sense of peace within that very few things can do, moving away from the world of noise and distractions to simply breathing and watching the flames flicker; a point of self reflection occurs, and nothing else matters. This nothing else matters mentality is essential as it is the only way to achieve a sense of freedom and peace, it strips away all the distractions of a phone, the distractions of other people, to allow you to be completely present and tend to the moment at hand. This is the power of a campfire, the power of silence - it is a reset to your system, something that shouldn't be done annually, but monthly. The world is constantly trying to draw our attention away from us (this post is also drawing your attention away from us), that is the purpose of it, and society has made it infinitely easier to be distracted by giving us a go-go gadget in our pockets, or purses.

The reason we seek nature is to escape the go-go gadget, and the distractions all around us, it is to reconnect with ourselves and the world on a deeper level than "what's up". Take the time to leave the phone, take time for the you that never gets the attention and care it deserves.

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Imagined Future

We sometimes feel trapped by our current circumstances and feel trapped by who we are right now, we then begin to daydream about the future us, or improbable things in order to feel a sense of escape, a sense of freedom, but we forget about a version of us that didn't get so distracted by all the things society throws at us. We forgot about the past version of us, the child version of us, the one who imagine there adult future as something magical, something where one could explore everything, buy themselves chocolate ice cream at 9 in the morning, and do anything! What happened to that future? When did we forgo our childhood future for ourselves and choose to live in an environment that doesn't make us happy? This isn't to say that we should not suffer to enjoy our future, but it is to say is why aren't we making that child within us proud, and excited to be an adult? We end up making that child within us scared of being an adult, scared of the future and worried about being alive.

This habit of putting things off and waiting for a change in luck is common, but incredibly foolish as it leaves everything to remain stale and to slowly die off. The world and everything in it is always changing, always going through mico-evolutions in order to survive and more importantly thrive in the environment the organism is in; when we as humanbeings refuse to push ourselves to expand and grow, we are reducing ourselves to nothing, along with letting down the child within us, we let down our future self. This is the method in which most of us live, we don't care to be proud of ourselves, or to live a healthy life, most of us just want to be comfortable, comfortable in our pain, or comfortable in our suffering, letting go of the dreams we had as children.

We should all strive to be the version of us that we imagined we would be as children. That version would be better than the current version of us, the one that gave up.

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The Cost Of Existence

We go through life without altering the patterns in which we live, most of us go through the same routine every single day without fail, but every year we complain about where our life is at and where we wish it was. We continue through life like this, doing the same thing as yesterday and being 'too tired' until we get to a point (hopefully) where something hits us and we realize time will pass no matter what we do, time will pass no matter what - it isn't good or bad, it just ticks away. This brings upon the realization that time isn't the enemy, it us who are our own enemy. This realization can lead us to change our patterns and the manner in which we live, because now it isn't fighting against not having enough time, but fighting against how we are using that time. We may change our schedules and change the manner in which we live to accommodate time. We would be spending time doing the things that will lead us to the life we want, and who we want to become. The thing with changing your life and who you are, or simply going in the direction of which life is headed is that consistency is key, without that there is movement forward, but then there is a pull back. This pull back decreases progress made, so when you are doing things on a daily basis you are decreasing the amount of pull back, and vastly increasing the movement forward.

Life stops becoming a struggle when looking back on the past year because it is known that the time and effort was put in every single day to improve at this one thing, so even if you didn't hit the goal it doesn't matter, because you have gotten closer to it - this is the beauty of consistent effort. Now of course you may have not done what was needed to achieve a goal, or to improve your life, so 365 days have passed, perhaps 366 days, and nothing has changed, the complaining occurs, the annoyance at life persists. So what can be done? How many excuses will be told before things start turning around?

A vessel of magnitude does not turn around in a flash, it takes time and effort. Time. And. Effort.

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Spend The Extra 50

When we look to buy things most of us look for the cheapest and most affordable option, yet we know it'll break and become unusable within a year. This obsession with saving money or spending the least amount of money possible leads us to get inferior equipment and tools that could improve our life. We don't think about what an extra $50 can do for our wellbeing, we only think about how we are saving $50. When buying a tent for camping there is a $150 tent which is waterproof and will protect you from the rain as well as the wind, or there is the $100 tent which isn't waterproof; now you are 90% sure it isn't going to rain when the trip is planned, but what if it does rain? What if your trip was for 3 days, and it rained the first night, ruining everything inside and leaving you wet for the rest of the trip, would you have wished to have gotten the more expensive tent? This may seem like a silly example but it can be applied to anything, most people skimp out on their mattress and their pillow, thus leading to a poor quality sleep, and back problems, yet if they spent an extra $50-100 they could be getting the best sleep possible.

It isn't wise to always spend the extra amount of money on things, sometimes the dollar store version or the base version of something is perfectly fine, but when it comes to your wellness and health, there shouldn't be a fear to spend an extra $50 or $100 on allowing you to live a better life. What is money? Simple a tool to be utilized.

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Information Overload

We seek to have more and more information in the hopes that then we can get to a solid conclusion, then we will 'know' the future, yet more information is not always helpful. Many studies have found that at some point more information actually leads to poorer results, it leads to a false sense of thinking that the entire truth has been seen, instead of knowing that only parts of it have been seen - this stops you from fool hardly going into things with the belief of knowing everything, and it also stops one from being willing to take risks. Information is useful and typically more information allows us to make more informed decisions, but that is all they are, simply informed decisions, they aren't the truth, nor are they known. Sometimes more information actually leads us to a state of indecision, or a missed opportunity, because we were too busy gathering information to make the 'best' decision. We get caught up in this vicious cycle of wanting to know more, instead of taking the knowledge we have and making an educated guess, where we are aware of the risk involved and have accepted it.

One of the most important parts is knowing that risk exists and accepting it as a facet of life, instead of trying outwit risk and life by trying to gather more information - there will always be information that is missed, but completely forgotten about. That is the cost of seeking more data, at some point we begin to believe we have gathered all the data; it may simply be better to take the leap into the unknown. The feeling of safety we seek is sometimes only felt once we give up trying to control all the information. Too much of one thing is never wise, and the same applies to information, and none of us are above the allure of wanting to know.

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Flipping Life

To change the direction of life is very simple, it involves writing out the end direction and forming the habits necessary to achieve that end direction, but we make it much more complicated than that. All the vices in our life conspire against us, to slow us down and to stop us from achieving our goals, the resistance we feel is high to changing the direction of our life. This doesn't mean that the actual change is hard, it simply means that we have all these vices that hault us from achieving our goals and our dreams. The constant pull and draw to the things that bring us fast and quick dopamine hits is strong, so we need to be stronger and try to gain those dopamine hits from the habits we want to form, and from the path we want to head down. Simply put, just stop doing the bad stuff, and simply do the good stuff - simple, yet very difficult; this is where we get mixed up, we assume difficult to do means something is complex and we simply don't know what to do, but that isn't what it means. If something is difficult it can still be simple.

This applies to the way we live our life as well, most of us do the same things every single day without every growing as an individual, we wakeup, lay in bed, go to work, come home and watch netflix, and we continue this way for a long period of time, because we think changing our life is complicated, and that we don't know where we want to go... All thes things are excuses not to change, not to try, we built up this resistance so we didn't have to try, but flipping your life is extremely simple, it involves exercise, meditation, reading/learning, and eating well. That alone will do a person wonders, yet no one does all these things, they may dabble in one, and perhaps be heavily invested in another, but the others are lacking. This is all because we don't believe that these habits will compound and improve our life drastically. We as people want instant change bbut that isn't how things work, change takes time, it compounds overtime, if these hbaits were done over a few years you would not recognize the person who you started as, because you have flipped your life.

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The Greatest Threat - A Curious Mind

We had the greatest amount of curiosity as children but as we aged our curiousity about the universe decreased and faded, now we may becoming more curious or we may still be lacking curiousity all together, but the thing is what happened to it? Our curiosity is like a living being, it needs to be constantly fed a string of questions, and possible answers along with perhaps a recursion of the original question based on the possible answers given, but what happened when we began to say we "I know"? The idea of knowing kills curiousity, it stops the recursion from occurring, we no longer need it, we already know the answers we seek - there is no more possible answers, there is only the answer. This idea of knowing increases as we get older and begin going to school, and seeing friends, we begin to need to know everything, to be right instead of to learn, we slowly get rid of curiousity.

When we consider curiousity as being a living being we know that is must constantly be fed a string of questions and possible answers, instead of what google provides, which is a straight forward this is the only way type of answer. Now if we begin to regrow our curiousity about the world we must also begin to realize what killed it in the first place so that it doesn't happen again. It wasn't curiousity that killed the cat, it was boredom. The idea of knowing, and then forgetting everything else is foolish, but it is simple, in it's simplicity it becomes energy efficient not to think and be curious about the world. When we are curious about the world and about ourselves, we are expanding great amounts of energy to think about all the inputs entering our minds, we are taking it all in and processing it consciously instead of unconsciously accepting the first answer. As babies our default was to grow and expand tons of energy into growing but as we got older our nature is to decrease energy expenditure in growth, and increase it in survival, by being curious when we are older we are going against what is instinctual for us, and going with what will serve us the best in the current world we live in.

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Predicting The Future And The Avoidance Of Truth

We as human beings love to predict what is going to happen next, our minds are constantly trying to predict the next thing that is going to occur, and we may question that next thing but only in the hopes of getting a better prediction of the next thing. We forgo the truth of knowing what will happen all for having the ability to be able to guess what will happen next, our love for our own delusions is greater than our love for the truth. We learn about probability, and statistics to more accurately predict the future, but that is just giving our brain more reasons to believe it's own false answers to what the future moment holds. Statistics and probability are wonderful things to utilize but we extrapolate the statistics and probability to fit into our lives. This means our mind warps the numbers to fit circumstances that the numbers weren't designed for, so we are left with false predictions of the future. This is all to avoid the truth, of what is occurring within the moment and to avoid with dealing with the unknown. If we continue to believe our logic is right, and our predictions are accurate then we don't have to look for the truth, we are the truth. We have this positive feedback loop, like a flywheel, constantly feeding itself, heading in the wrong direction, instead of seeking the truth of the situation.

Now the smarter one becomes in the field of 'logic' the easier it is to trick them, because they know more, they are able to predict the future better, but they can't. Their seeking of knowledge their assumptions that they are right lead them to be wrong, because they aren't looking for the truth anymore, they are simply justifying things to suit their narrative.

There is a simple answer for all of this for those who thrive on logic, and even for those who thrive on 'instincts', it is in our nature to find the simplest solution, the fastest way to predict the future, because that means we survive, a tiger chasing us? What is the fastest solution? Fastest prediction of the future? We are wired to solve the future before it happens by taking all the inputs from outside of us and inputting them into us, and coming up with a plausible future. It isn't taking into account the thousand of micro and macro things that occurring around the world or right outside you to form the closest truth of reality, it is simply forming a truth, to move forward and survive.

Note: If this post feels unfinished, in a way this is where the universe stopped spewing words. And that is what you are left with. Make of it what you will, create your own conclusions. Just another thought to contemplate.

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The Appearance Of Beauty

We were told as youths not to judge a book by it's cover, but that is what we all do, we don't pick up a book that has a terrible cover or looks ugly when we quickly flip through the pages. We pick up the book with a beautiful cover, and the book that looks beautiful when we skim through the pages(A really beautiful book was written by a good friend, Tinkered Thinking - Highly Recommend it, check it out here). Now if we do this with books, it means we do this with people as well, we seek to simplify the process of thinking to the bare minimimum, where we can allow our mind to quickly organize things without putting any active energy into it - absolutely wonderful for picking what you want to eat, quite terrible at picking whom you spend your time with, and even worse in the world of instagram. We get swept up by the perception of things, making quick decisions and then building up fast beliefs(see post on beliefs) to justify those quick decisions. Now every action that goes against those beleifs or anything we see that goes against them becomes warped to fit the narrative we have built - this is all based on that quick decision we made earlier. This leads to us not actively looking for warning signs, or actively taking new information to adjust our thoughts on something.

It used to make sense to simply go off of appearances, if someone looked weak, they were probably weak and that would mean dying, if a plant looked off we wouldn't eat it, if meat doesn't look fresh or looks moldy we don't eat it. These are decisions that are made in an instant typically unconsciously, and they serve us perfectly well, but now we live in a world of selfies and artificially made meat. We can see videos of ourselves walking on the empire state building while never having set foot in New York, or a picture at the pyramids, looking perfect without ever going to a single pyramid - the question becomes what is real and what is an illusion? This question involves thinking beyond the initial judgement, it involves questioning what you are seeing to find out the truth of what should be seen. This costs us energy to do, it is why we can easily be swayed by the images we find online, why we would rather follow someone elses thinking than follow our own. We have no skin in the game, yet we fail to realize our entire being is in the game and that the little amount of energy it would take to think, is well worth it.

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Power Of Intentionality

When we are so used to doing 3 things at once, we have our phones in our hands, perhaps an ipad on the desk and a tv show running in the background, yet we are still trying to accomplish a task we have set out for ourselves. We end up completing that 15 minute task in an hour, but it is done, so we feel like we are excellent multitaskers... What could have been done in those 45 minutes that were taken up by a simple task? This is the power of multitasking, and yes it is a power but no it is not super. The true super power is being intentional, being focused on a single task, the task gets completed quickly and it gets completed correctly. That is a super power, though it can be gained by one, yet few ever reach for it intentionally. The idea behind being intentional and focused on a single task is really quite simple, but we are so used to having a thousand different inputs going straight into our brain that we struggle to even focus on what is occurring now, unless our life is immediately in danger.

We seek to get rid of tasks that we have to do, yet prolong them for as long as possible because we don't want to do them, then leading us to multitask well doing the task to what end? Perhaps a better question would be when will we begin to focus on one thing at a time? This is something that is extremely simple to incorporate in ones life. Begin by simply watching netflix and only doing that, or being fully present when with others, ie turning the phone off, it starts off by doing it with easy tasks, if netflix fails to hold your attention, try reading a book you loved as a child or a new book. The goal is to incorporate being intentional in your daily life, which is simple to attempt but hard to do - so increase the amount of attempts done per a day, thus drastically decreasing the time it will take for an entire day to be intentional.

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The Tides Of Greatness

The belief that greatness must always occur is a fool hearty one, greatness is like the sea, always shifting. Today's greatness will not match tomorrows or the past, what we should be striving for is doing the best that we can. It is no longer about producing perfection, or being able to continuously pump out great content, it is about putting the best foot forward everyday. Some days we will feel on top of the world and everything we do will be nailed out of the park, other times we will fail to hit any pitch thrown at us and we will be in a deep slump, but neither of these states is permanent, both are in flux. The key is the best of your abilities being shown for the moment, because that is all that exists, this moment. This takes away the pressure of always producing greatness, and puts something else in it's place. We begin to shift away from perfection, and to something more real and less hateful of the self for having an off day.

Now the counter is that as you grow in a particular field you will get better and thus always produce greatness, now this is a wonderful thought, but it is nothing more. Once improvement starts to occur so does the level at which something is considered great. We may consider being able to draw a perfectly straight line freehandedly as greatness, but then we want to be able to pain the swirls of the wind, now that straight line is just the default, it's simple. We alter the meaning of what is great by reaching that point, then moving it, shifting it to something even higher. This will be a continuous process, and there is nothing wrong with it, but it comes with a great risk of being toxic to yourself. This is where the idea of simply showing up and doing your best in the moment becomes essential. It is no longer about producing greatness, but simply producing your best. The pressure cooker turns off, and everything begins to simmer nicely.

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Knowing when to restart is essential to being to able to craft anything, or simply to live. Imagine being in a job you hate (may not be hard), and to be in a field you like or a job you like, you have to step down to nothing, you must restart, is that bad? To most that is the worst possible case, but life is longer than a few days, it's multiple decades, now imagine working the same job for 30 more years, hating every second wouldn't that make you hate everything around you? Let's take the opposite you restart, beginning at 0, let's say it takes 5 years to reach the top, but 20 years into the future, you are happy... Now which would you prefer? This is what life comes down to, is restarting really that bad?

Now imagine every aspect of life, from writing to reading to building a product, being willing to restart after multiple iterations of it have failed is key to being successful. This doesn't mean when something doesn't work out you just abandon it. It means to being okay with restarting, the process must involve doing and editing and fine tuning, if that doesn't work, then going to the drawing board, or perhaps even the ipad. This idea of always needing to move 'forward' is foolish, because it assume forward doesn't involve switchbacks, but switchbacks are the only way to get up a mountain at times. Are they worthless then? Not really, they are essential, and so is backtracking, and restarting.

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Doubting Beliefs

We hold an uncountable amount of beliefs about the way the world works and even more about the way we work, we limit ourselves to what is currently 'known', thus limiting our ability to grow and change in a very dynamic world. Beliefs help shape everything, it is the fact that their is the belief that a plane can fly, that we get on it, yes we have the science, but that too is just beliefs that the universe is constant in the output it provides. This is wonderful because we can live our life with the ability to be carefree, but it comes at a cost, we no longer question any of our beliefs no matter what they are for example "I can't draw, all my drawings turn out to be shit", how does this belief help or the belief "I've always been fat", how does that help? This is where the issue arises, when we choose to believe that all our beliefs are written are itched in our bones we become paralyzed. We give up knowing anything more, and we give up ever being able to expand beyond them.

Once we accept the belief of being able to change our beliefs, we can then alter any belief that doesn't serve us to a belief that helps us reach a new level or simply allowing us to change. We must begin to question each belief with the idea of does this belief serve me, if it doesn't help you why keep it? If a belief simply exists to limit does it belong, better yet does it make you a better person? These questions lead you to down a path of possibilities, now not all of the possibilities are good ones, but now the ability of choice has been created. It begins with being curious, then questioning and back to being curious, be hyper selective of what beliefs you hold onto.

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Double Take On Trust

We are told forgive, and we have all heard the saying 'everyone deserves a second chance', that is what the criminal justice system says it is trying to do, but when is enough, enough? We give away our trust to everyone we see, and most have not earned it, and even worse is when someone has continuously proven that they can not be trusted, all in the name of being a 'good' person. When we hand someone our trust we believe other person will respect the trust that was given to them, and when they don't they have broken it. Of course we may give them another chance, but if the same thing happens, what are the consequences? It should be simple, but we don't like doing it, we simply stop trusting them. We stop putting our faith in them, now does this mean you have to stop talking to them or shun them, not at all; it means you simply should not trust them with anything. This does redefine what your relationship with that other is, and as it should, your trust should be valued and considered as something important, if it is not, then it should be withdrawn.

The idea that trust should never go away between people is a foolish one, this typically applies to family relationships. When we do not take away our trust in another person, we are telling them that we are to be disrespected and treated poorly, we are giving them permission. So ask the question, where does the trust lie? In good faith? Or a in tainted waters?

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Most of us are typically in a rush to move onto the next thing, when we read a book we rush to the next part, we think about moving forward without ever considering the current moment. This need to move onto the next thing hinders our progress on the current thing we are working on, failing to notice the details that exist, failing to notice the joy of doing. This is the mode we live in by default, some of us try to meditate and even then we think about when it will be over, or an event in the future - forgetting the joys of breathing, or the minute details of watching the mind create thoughts and how the emotions begin to bubble within us. We are trying to run forward while sitting still, how can we ever do either properly? This is as if we are the chicken without a head, simply running around without any sense, without making any progress in anything.

This constant longing to move onto the next thing, stops from completing the current task completely, and it also stops us from enjoying the moment we are in, which may be phenomenal, but we have tainted it and spoiled it. The mental whooshing to the next event leads to a life of half-assery, destroying the meaning in everything that is done. Is the life anyone wishes to lead? The idea of mentally running from one thing to another thing, and this then manifests in our bodies, we feel the need to be moving, we feel agitation start to arise, then we rush to the next thing. We didn't take the time to do what we were doing properly, we didn't take the time to calm the mind (even as I write this, I can feel the whoosh).


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Agitation The Path To Peace

We are taught that being agitated is a bad thing, we are taught that means we should change something or do something, but is that actually the case? Or is agitation a sign of how to be at peace?

When agitation arises our next actions determine if that agitation was a good thing or a bad thing, we can either be angry at it arising or we can accept it and learn from it. This opens up two very different paths, one leads to a path of peace and the other to outrage, we must be aware of the choices that arise when we feel agitation, and then pick accordingly - more accurately explore the options, explore where this agitation came from, was it from sitting weird, or was it from someone cutting you off in traffic, or was it from the failure to leave on time? This exploration of agitation allows for growth and makes you open up to the world. It is no longer about good or bad, it is about curiosity, that is vastly different than being extremely reactive to the emotions that are arising. We have to understand that agitation is simply a sign post on a road, it doesn't mean it is good or bad, it is simply showing an intersection of paths, and it may even tell what made it arise. The exploration of this sign post and the paths leading from and away allow for peace to arise, as we have pulled away from being right or wrong, and pushed ourselves toward trying to understand the world around us.

If we never felt agitation, we would never learn what peace is, we would simply be experiencing half the world, now agitation is simply a word that we give meaning to, like good or bad. When we are experiencing anything in the world we attempt to assign a word to it, and give it meaning, and this is where the idea of words having power really applies. We are brining about our own suffering.

The next time agitation arises, what will your actions and thoughts be? Will you explore the great wilds, or try to burn the world down.

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Criticism Or Judgement?

When we are critiquing something we are trying to provide feedback to help that something improve. What is judging something entail making assumptions about a thing and then conveying the thoughts associated with the assumptions. We call criticism a good thing, and we calling judging a bad thing, but we do both simultaneously and the line between them is extremely thin, so there is no intentionality behind these actions, it is simply occurring. That is where the problem lies, the problem isn't that their is criticism or judgement, the problem is there was no thought behind either of those things occurring. This lack of intention leads to continuous judgments of everything and everyone, snap decisions made in an instant without ever considering the possibilities of a person being able to grow. Consider those who are overweight and begin to start going to the gym, some would think "hahaha look at how fat he is", without ever considering the fact that, that person was going to the gym to better themselves - this instant judgement leads to false porterials of others. We never consider the fact that the person may be reaching new heights every second because we have labeled them and sealed their fate, at least within our minds. This overweight person may be doing an exercise wrong, because they are fat and the thoughts associated would be more critical of what is happening, but they are also automatic; there was no foresight to judging them, there was only judgement.

The issue with judging and critiquing is based upon the lack of foresight before doing the action, to alter this behaviour, you must be aware and conscious of it happening at all times (or as much as possible). The judgement can be positive or negative, but both should be treated equally, both should be observed and accepted and then letgo. We are trying to tell our minds or train our minds to stop judging and critiquing right away, without learning or knowing anything. That will allow us to live a free life, where we can talk to and engage with a variety of people before ever locking them down into a cage, and stating that that is all they will ever be and all they ever were.

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Practicing What You Preach

It is easy to type these words, it is easy to tell another what to do, and it is even easier to pretend that you are doing everything you are talking about. That is what kills a person, it begins by not practicing one or two things that you tell others to do, then it seeps into the rest of your life yet the world maintains a false perception of you, believing that you are the things you talk about; leading you to believe you are those things as well, until someone who is all the stuff you preach looks at you and sees right through you. This is when the world aroudn you will come crashing down, you may resist and say you are the things you say you are, or what you tell others to do, but the truth will prevail. This is huge when giving another advice, we give advice to help other people but how can we help another person if we haven't helped ourselves? If we don't take the time out to practice what you are telling them to do then it's just a bunch of lies, even if you think you believe in them.

So the idea of practicing what you preach becomes even harder once you begin to start sharing your thoughts to the world, once you begin to help others more, it's easier to ride your white horse down the path, looking down at all the people around you. It gets harder once you get caught up in the hype of the words you say, you are no longer practicing the words, but are swimming with the words imagining that you are putting in the work and the effort when really you aren't doing any of it. Consider most people that go to counseling, counselling can be extremely helpful to people as it gives them a sounding board for them to go parse apart their thoughts and beliefs, but it is gives the illusion of putting in work and effort in improving yourself. You begin to tell others how useful counseling is, yet you aren't really putting in any work to better your situation, you simply show up to a place hear some words, toss some money and leave. Imagine your life, with all the words you say and all the thoughts you put out into the world, how much of that is practiced? How much of that is simply to show the world that you are 'better'?

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Uncomfortable Growth

Most people know that growth comes from dealing with uncomfortable situations, things that we aren't comfortable in this could be talking to strangers or starting a new hobby. This uncomfortableness is typically avoided because it doesn't feel good so we run back into our comfort zone, and we may push the limits of our comfort zone by dipping our toes into the uncomfortable zone. This works to an extent, it allows us to get more comfortable with being uncomfortable but it is also limiting because instead of progressing further into uncomfort we simply keep dipping our toes in. We never truly jumped in all the way, we never received any wild experiences that we learned from. This is where most of us begin, we begin by dipping our toes into uncomfortableness, then perhaps going deeper or perhaps letting that zone turn into your comfort zone. Those that seek discomfort and seek to jump into it typically have the craziest experiences, one can not predict what they will do, and this allows them to grow beyond the limitations that society has set onto them. This is the key to growing beyond the norm.

It doesn't ever get easier doing things that make you uncomfortable but what does happen is that the things that make you uncomfortable become things that bring you comfort, thus expanding your comfort zone. This expansion of comfort zone is the growth you want, and that is when most people stop progressing, once you have gained something you feel as though it has been completed. This feeling of something being finished is what we like to do with everything in our life, we don't want to continuously work on things because it involves effort - Pretty much we are lazy. The goal is to keep pushing into the things that make you uncomfortable as much as you can, and transform that area into your territory ie your comfort zone.

A game of expansion.

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Spirit Work

Some of us spend a lot of time working our bodies, our minds or our emotions but very few us do stuff for the spirit. Spirit work is the work done to connect to the world and to feel this sense of joy from what you are doing, this is typically doing things we enjoy and that are fulfilling. The keyword in that previous sentence is fulfilling, video games aren't fulfilling, watching tv isn't fulfilling nor is listening to a podcast these are all escapism behaviours or ways of being. We think that is the stuff that truly relaxes us and it can relax us till a point, but it doesn't fulfill our spirit. This is where doing things that involve creation are so beneficial because when we physically create something we are doing spirit work, we are bringing something tangible into the world. Most of the work we do in our daily life is busy work, meaning it is work to bring in money but has no parts that involve creation, no tangible results that one can hold in their hands. It feels pointless and meaningless, we receive no fulfillment our soul does not get nourished by the busy work, it is simply pushed aside.

Spirit work or doing work for the soul involves things you enjoy that make you feel alive these things typically involve creating in some way shape or form. This can range from painting to blacksmithing, and even to making paper cranes, it involves doing something with focus and bringing something real into the world. Every person has a different way to gain fulfillment and to nourish their spirit, so the key is to search for what nourishes your spirit, it may not be the same as your friends, but it doesn't matter what it is, what matters is that it gives you a sense of peace, enjoyment and fulfills something within.

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Army Of Nothing

Friendship is a very precious thing, when you call someone a friend you are telling the world "this is a person I trust with my life and my secrets", but that isn't what you mean, now is it? When we call someone a friend we mean to say "I am acquainted with this person", this is a huge difference than calling someone a friend. The problem arises when you we attach our personal value to the number of friends we have, we are no longer looking at the quality of the friendship, but now we are simply looking at sheer numbers, so of course we would want to call everyone a friend. We spend most of our lives calling everyone we meet a friend all in the grips of being viewed as a social butterfly, someone who is happy and fulfilled, but are all those people your friends? Would they drop everything if you were in trouble and come to your aid? Or would they say "I'm sorry I'm actually super busy this week"? How many people in your life that you call a friend are people you could turn to for anything? How many are simply there because you lived in the same neighborhood or work together? When we start considering who stands beside us we should be extremely selective, because a friend is someone you would go to war for, they are someone you are vulnerable around, allowing them to easily betray you if they so wanted - but they wouldn't want to, or ever betray you because of that mutual bond called friendship.

Lots of people get into relationships with people whom they wouldn't even want to be true friends with because of loneliness, and the same thing applies to the people we call friends. This diminishes your self worth because you are allowing all these people into your life who will suck energy out of you that could be put into you or into those who are true friends. Being selective is a way to protect you and your worth, it forces you to decide if someone will have good intentions for you, or if they simply are someone who is simply around. It is very easy for us to fall in the trap of calling everyone a friend because it has become a habit. Break that habit and choose wisely who you consider a friend because those are the people who should be trusted with your life. Though this is why we have the term close friend, so perhaps the word friend means acquittance.

The phrase true friends is a foolish one because a person you call a friend is a true friend, otherwise they shouldn't even called a friend. Be Selective. Craft greatness.

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Easier Not To Try

How many times have you said "I am too busy" or said that "I am tired" or even worse "it isn't important"? This constant excuse mode for not doing things is dominant in our daily lives that we don't even bat an eye when we do it, it's normalized. Their is a problem with it, and that is that it is easy to not try, to simply say an excuse and leave it at that, now you don't have to worry about it. Imagine facing yourself and saying "hey this is an excuse and you are taking the easy way out" and hammering yourself out like a twisted piece of metal, then yes you could say the excuse but you can't hide behind it and pretend that it is real.

We live in a world where it is easier to lie to ourselves about the amount of work we are actually doing and the amount of excuses we allow ourselves to say because guess what then we don't have to try. We don't have to try to become better people, to live a better life, we can simply drift the rough seas pretending that our boat isn't sinking. Allowing ourselves to take the easy path doesn't ever lead to growth in any fashion but it makes us feel 'good' - the reason for quotes around the word good is because we don't feel good, we typically feel like trash if we truly look at how we are feeling, and then we work to distract ourselves if we do feel that shitty emotion. This is the cycle we live in, a constant need to distract ourselves and a constant need to make excuses, each one feeding the other, so what we must do is break that cycle in some way shape or form. Breaking the cycle is actually very easy to do, but very hard to talk yourself into doing. The best way to break the cycle is not to think about it and just to do it, close your eyes and sink your head into the ocean - the more you think about it, the greater the resistance. How many excuses will you allow yourself to say to yourself, before you have had enough?

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Crafting Your Own Thoughts

When we absorb new information, new ideas from other people we claim them as our own, as if we thought of them but we know we didn't; would that make us a fraud, simply a copycat? When we hear ideas and information we process that information with our perspective thus warping the ideas/information in our own way. This alone wouldn't make the information original thought, but when we hear new information if we think about that information, trying to break it apart to fully understand it and incorporating it into ourselves we make it our own. Crating our own thoughts from other ideas is not hard, and does not make someone a fraud, it makes them intelligent.

Let's say you skip the trying to understand and incorporate it into yourself, and simply just copy it and try to emulate it without thinking, it is still yours. We are copying the ideas in our own way, we can't do them perfectly like the original, as we are not the original, so we are already twisting these new ideas and concepts making thme different from the original. The fact that we exist makes all ideas we read and see original when we implement them, because we are shaped by the perspective we are using, so when we read something that filter, that perspective is being applied to it, thus altering it before it ever enters your brain.

Here is a nice thought, how do you know the color green is the same color someone else was taught was green? We may all be looking at different colors but calling them the same thing because we were taught that is what it is called.

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Power Of Choice

When we were children we believed that we didn't have a choice in doing our homework or listening to our parents, but we did. Those other choices may not have been favorable to us, and most likely had consequences that we did not want, so we chose to do our homework or listen to our parents, but do not get it twisted everything is a choice. We weigh out the benefits of everything, if we don't go to work we may get fired, if we go to work we will be able to pay rent, but all these things are choices, we are always deciding between two options (usually there are a lot more options, but we narrow down very quickly to two). This ability to choose is a super power, we can choose to do work now or later, we can choose to learn this cool thing that interests us or sit and watch TV, these are all choices. The issue is we make everything out to be like we have to do it, we have to do this because 'X' said so, but we never have to do anything. You have to realize you have the power of choice, you choose what to do, flipping the mentality of 'have to' into 'get to' or better yet 'choose to', is essential to getting away from the pits of despair about not having any freedom in your life. You have the most freedom in the world, you get to choose everything you do, you can choose to work somewhere else, you can choose to leave a bad relationship, you can choose to read that book, yes of course there are repercussions to your choices but that is apart of having the ability to choose. The repercussions could be good or bad, but once you make a decision and commit to it, the repercussions are no longer within your control.

This idea of you always having a choice is a gift because now you can do whatever you want, you can figure out what you love or what interests you and go deep into it, or you can walk away from something. You have the freedom to choose but you are not free from the consequences of that choice.

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The Failing Jumps

We jump from thing to the next thing barely scratching the surface of anything, then we wonder why weren't improving, yet we haven't learned anything. We seek knowledge to help improve ourselves and our life searching far and wide, but forgetting about the third dimension, depth. How can we expect to learn anything of true value when we refuse to go deep into one area, we run from one place to the next and then again to the next. The second we start going deep into something it begins to get harder and we then jump to the next thing, looking for a secret entrance that'll answer all our prayers, to what end? This applies to furthering our happiness, to becoming smarter, to having a fulfilling relationship, we jump to the next thing. This jumping from one thing to another thing is normalized, in school we go from one subject to the next, never really learning anything from any of them, and that is up wards of 20 years of our life, mandatory 13 to 16. It is engrained in us, so we don't ever question this jumping from one thing to the next, some do it with relationships jumping from one failed relationship to the next, never going deep within themselves or in a single relationship, always running.

Precious gems are found in the depths of the world, they are not found on the surface of Earth but deep within, the true beauty of something is found within it, consider literature the best written pieces are pieces you return back to, to reread - allowing ourselves to go deep within that work. Now most of us jump from new book to new book, what if we jumped from old book to old book, ie books we have already read, and then find the nuance within each book (of course some books only need to be read once, meaning they shouldn't have been read at all).

Consider your life, and the things you are working on, are you jumping from thing to thing, are you trying to find a secret path? Ask yourself are you truly going deep in anyway shape or form, that is meaningful? That's where you will find the gems that are of value to you.

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Affirmations The New Words Of Prayer

Most young people consider religion foolish and a hoax, they no long welcome prayer believing religion is the death of science and a persons well being. Now we are entitled to think what we want to think, and entitled we are, but now there is a new form of prayer one that is accepted by the young folk. This new form of prayer is called affirmations, it is where you repeat a set of words to yourself or to the world in the hopes that the world will provide you with what you were saying - that sounds an awful lot like praying for something and hoping god will give it to you. Now here is the fun thought in all of this, is either thing wrong or bad? No, it's just our way of communicating with the world. What we are trying to do is make our beliefs and our way of being align with the words we are consistently repeating. This works because we like the world to be consistent and more so we like ourselves to be consistent with what we are saying or believing, so if we continuously say the same set of words even if we don't believe in them, we will begin to believe in them and cause ourselves to align with those words, because who wants to knowingly lie to themselves? This little reaction makes praying and affirmations extremely powerful, it makes those actions seem like magic, the world gave you what you wanted (see the book "The Secret"), but what is actually happening is you gave yourself what you wanted, you spoke yourself into existence.

This makes affirmations the same as prayer, simply an updated version of it, but it also makes affirmations extremely useful. It is like a mini hack on how we think, how we can launch ourselves in a new direction. Do affirmations work all the time? Not at all, it is a slow process but a process when combined with other actions could be extremely powerful. Isn't this like a super power then? Speaking the world into existence, because it all boils down to perspective, so affirmations are altering your perspective thus allowing new ways of viewing the world to appear. So the next time you bag on praying, or bag on affirmations, think about it, they are one in the same.

Personal note: I hate the word affirmations, and dislike the idea of them, but recent thinking and chatting with others has made me rethink the notions I have about them. Thus the birth of this post.

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Technological Debt

When we were introduced to technology we were simply handed something and we went with it, we didn't question how good it was, if it met our needs or if it was something that would last a lifetime, we simply got what our friends had or what our parents gave us. Now we spent years using the devices and technology we have been using, and when you think about switching to a new piece of software or a new piece of technology, let's say going from android to IOS (apple), we think about how we only know the android ecosystem, we know how to use it perfectly and all our stuff is synced to google drive, and we have our google accounts. The jump and switching of all the data and storage and information along with learning a new technology is a heavy burden, it involves a lot of time and effort, but this effort may pay off in the long run if you picked wisely. This is where decision making and looking at the benefits of the technology you are investing time into is important, you can decide if it is worth switching over to a new system, or if it is better not to switch over at all. Technological debt increases the more things you start using things in an ecosystem, the more you invest into something, with no way to easily export everything into a new system; it also increases when you start spreading wider into a technology because now you use a ton of software in that ecosystem that may not transfer over into a new ecosystem. All this boils down to making the choice to change ecosystem a very costly one in terms of time and perhaps money. The key question that should be arising is how do we stop technological debt?

You begin by keeping things simple, using cross platform tools, using only a few of those tools and then keeping steady with them, this allows for easy conversion from one ecosystem to another. You will not be constrained by any one platform, and if there is a tool that is very niche then invest into that tool, and when you want to go into a new ecosystem you can eat that technological debt, because it won't be spread out over everything you do, it'll be only one thing.

Technological debt is always accruing, the key is to limit it, and to be okay with it being there. It'll always be there, but you must be willing to accept that and not allow that to stop you from making the right choice FOR YOU, no matter the software or the ecosystem - pick what is best for you (hopefully something that'll last you awhile).

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"Fuck, Jim got the promotion and not me, that's such bullshit." This is a common occurrence when something doesn't go your way, or life is unfair towards you in some manner, you may get angry and begin to question the world, blaming everyone but yourself. "But I didn't do anything", exactly you didn't do anything, so why should you get anything? Blaming yourself isn't the answer but it is closer to the solution than blaming the world. We seek to blame the world because it hurts to blame ourselves, it hurts because now we are on the hook for it, we need to put words to action because it is on us. Now if it is the worlds fault, then we don't have to do anything. This raises the question of what can we do about the unjust nature of the world?

The question we must ask ourselves is "What are you going to do about it?", this isn't a question about what you can do, or the chances of success you will have on doing an action, but a question about what are you actually going to do about the world being unfair towards you. We as people have many options when it comes to this, we can mop around, we can quit and start something new, or we can work harder and find a solution to our problem. All these methods are valid ways of living but only some of them will get you to where you want to be, and that is to make the world more 'fair' towards you. When you ask yourself what are you going to do about it, you are trying to find ways to tilt the ship so it is balanced and won't tip over, find things you can do, tangible things that you think will help the situation. This isn't about finding things that will solve the problem, but simply will help solve the issue and get to it... The other choice is complain about it and be angry at the world, but that won't get you anywhere. Take the first tangible solution you have and run with it, build on it, figure out what you are going to do about the unjustness that has been done to you. Stop complaining and figure out what you are going to do about it, what you can and will do, not what you want to do, but what you are able to do. This alone will change your life. "What are you going to do about it?"

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Feeding The Beast

We are always feeding a beast within us, this could be an addiction or could be a way of thinking or a habit that we have, but we always feeding a beast within us. When we feed the beasts within us, they get larger, they start wanting more attention, more energy, more effort, so they'll continue to get bigger as the other beasts within you begin to shrink and get smaller as they aren't getting enough attention to grow and to drag you towards them. This competition of the beasts within is a competition of your attention and energy, which is good at the beginning because then everything is starting of equal, but some beasts have an advantage over other beasts, such as addiction and fasting hitting dopamine beasts. The gap begins to widen once you begin to feed a particular beast over the others such as videogames or daydreaming ones, they will begin to swallow up the others and stifle their growth, thus making it impossible for them to catch up, think about how the ones who have money can easily make more money and those that have nothing struggle to make anything.

Right this second you may have thought of the beasts you have been feeding and how you want to feed different beasts, and this is the moment you have a chance of swinging things in your favor instead of having to fight a monster that will only get bigger the longer you feed it. You can have a beast you can ride into battle, perhaps it is the beast of a habit of exercising daily or just keep feeding the things you dislike and avoid what you need to do. We are crafting our own monsters every single moment, and those monsters that are being fed will need to be slaughtered one day or they'll consume you, will you be strong enough to take them on? Do you have enough beasts under your command? Or just a unruly pack of beasts ready to devour every piece of you.

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Self Created Challenges

We assume that the challenges we face in life are not our own doing, that the universe put these problems in front of us, and screw it for doing so, but what makes a problem a problem? Our perspective makes things either a good thing or a bad thing, so aren't the problems that are in your life made by your mind, doesn't that also mean that you can shift your perspective so the problems go away? This way of thinking can be helpful, but isn't necessarily useful in improving your situation (in terms of the physical reality and social norms). Shifting the current dilemma of perspective to growth we can easily argue that these challenges in our life are self created so that we can grow and become better humanbeings. When we face hardships we must grow and change to match those hardships, so if our brain always creates hardships for us, then we will always be growing to be better. It is no longer about if something is a problem or not, it is now about how we can grow as individuals. All these problems in our life force us to upgrade ourselves to become more understanding, to become stronger, to become more resourceful, to force us to action of some sort.

All these 'problems' or challenges that are in front of us are no longer problems but opportunities, we can now grow forever. The real issue is that our perspective must change in order for us to see that problems are really opportunities for us to grow, and even this issue is an opportunity to grow. This shift in thinking opens up an entire world, a new way to interact with the universe, no longer triffled by problems, but riffled with opportunities.

This also brings up another good post which is recommended, changing the words we use or the meanings of words that we use can vastly improve our perspective. It is an easy way to go onto a new path. Check out the post Words & The Spells They Cast.

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The Chase

We chase after highs to carry us through life, we chase after relationships and we chase after all the things we desire, but what are we running towards? We run towards a thing we believe to be happiness, forgetting the present moment and all that it holds. Thinking about how we feel well sitting, how we shift the second we begin to observe it, what about everything else that is occurring in this instance? Are we enjoying any of it? When we are in the company of our friends, do we long to be in a different location or in different circumstances? At what point will you reach happiness, whenever you get near it, it moves to something bigger and better. This way of living is circular, like a dog chasing it's tail expect we aren't as happy as a dog, we continue to chase something and when we get close to the goal we push the goal further away and say "When I reach that, I'll be happy" - doesn't that make your entire existence unhappy until you 'reach' that goal? This chase is never ending, and the cliche of if you don't find happiness here you won't find it anywhere becomes more apparent.

This brings about the idea of meditation, which is when you do 'nothing' for a set period of time; the true art of being fully present. When we think of meditation we have all these preconceived notations about it, and then we want to reach those notations, once again chasing. This chase never ends, and the point of meditation is to make you aware of that and simply exist in the moment, even if it is for 30 seconds, or an hour, any amount of time will slowly help build up that module and help all the other modules build up as well - see post Modular Building for more details on modules. Meditation becomes more about being, instead of chasing, when those ideas of what should be happening or where you should be occur, our goal is to observe and let go, allowing us to more present in the moment.

How far will you keep chasing before you start searching for something more than simply running in circles to find meaning in your life? Everything begins in an instant, when will that instant manifest for you?

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Modular Building

We pick and choose the building blocks we are willing to work for allowing us to build ourselves. We rarely think of the things we do as important or significant, but each thing that gets some of our time is building ourselves in some way. This could be building ourselves in a really positive way, or in a negative way. Consider ourselves an empty shell and then consider everything we do as the builders of modules such as a fitness module, a thinking module, etc etc, every moment we are building up a module in some way, investing points into different aspects within a module; if we begin to consider this as the primary method of existing the choices we make become extremely important, do we decide to binge eat chips, or masturbate seven times in a day. Whatever the decision we make we are building up that module, we are building up that part of ourselves for better or for worse, we are doing that. This idea of modules makes every moment precious as we start gaining points in modules, we begin to see the compounding effects of working on a module.

If we take this idea of modules and begin to incorporate it into our life we can begin to see how we are built, the actions we have taken and how we have gotten to where we are. Of course we can not do a hard reset on ourselves, so any investment into any module becomes solidified with some modules decaying faster than others. We can't redo our existence, we are stuck with the modules we have previously built but we can change the allocations of resources that we invest into each module, thus allowing our entire makeup and existence to change over time. Changing is only a matter of where the energy is being invested, which modules are being built up. We still have to understand that we put bad information into a module that module will be built poorly, but if we streamline and think about how we are building ourselves we can begin to have modules helping build each other. This is the manner of exponential growth that you want to utilize when you are building up your modules. The key is that each module should help another module grow, find a groove and build out a path - see Tinkered Thinking's post on Natural Spring, this will lead to your growth making more growth.

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Grasping At Thoughts

Thoughts and emotions arise through habits which we never chose nor were we aware of them forming, yet we believe they are us? We believe that they have a right to command our lives, and to form our reactions, but we don't even know if they are our own. We can't predict the next thought that will arise in our minds, right now you may be drifting to a random thought that just popped into your head, did you make that thought appear, or did it just happen. This 'happening' is all thoughts and emotions are, they are not us, they are simply a byproduct of existence. This becomes a hard pill to swallow because it makes us question our very existence, we associate so strongly with the thoughts that arise, and the emotions we feel that we don't know anything else. It makes sense to resist the idea of thoughts and emotions not being us, and simply a byproduct of existence if it is all we know. If we run with the assumption that thoughts and emotions arise from habit energy, then we can transform the way we think and the way we feel emotions which will change our entire perspective on life. Instead of reacting right away and associating with the thoughts we can take a step back and reflect on if this aligns with what we want, and if it doesn't we can just disregard it. Of course we also have the option of exploring that thought that arose to see where it leads, but we shouldn't take anything as if it is our own. The second we take the thoughts personally we lose our ability to change what is appearing, we lose our grasp on what it means to be human.

We continuously take our emotions and thoughts personally, reacting as if they are our entire existence, without exploring if we actually believe in the thought that arose. This leads us to live at the whims of thoughts and emotions, never expanding beyond what we believe we know, what kind of life is that? Stuck in place, never exploring the depths of who you are, which is a never ending experiment in living.

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The Doubts Of Living

If you have ever asked for directions and started to follow them you'll arrive at a point where you begin to question if the directions were accurate and if they will get you to where you want to go, you could be going in the right direction, but you could also be going in the wrong direction; how do you know if they gave you the correct directions? You could ask someone else for directions and see if they match up, but lets assume there is no one else there. What then? The answer is simple, you just keep following the directions until you get to an end, it may not be the end you are looking for but then you will know if they were the correct or incorrect directions. You either arrive where you want to go, or are still lost, both provide you with an answer. This tangible example can be applied to trying to figure out the right path in life for yourself, and also for better understanding your spirit. You will pursue a certain direction or someone's advice but then halfway through it you begin to search for something new, something quicker, thus soiling the advice. This search for a different path helps forge greater doubt in all your future decisions, yes you can be wrong, but you can also be right as well.

This all becomes about trusting yourself and trusting that you can figure it out and keep pursuing whatever you are doing. If you don't trust yourself then that is what you need to figure out first. Doubt is normal, but it's what you end up doing with that doubt that makes a world of difference.

The importance of this piece of writing, at least personally was the fact that halfway through I started trying to figure out how to block programs on my computer and what I needed to do tomorrow. See this avoidance trying to take over, in a 'productive manner', but really it wasn't the task at hand.

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The Minimum Viable Effort

There are days when nothing feels right, where nothing really wants to get done and those are the days where you want to get the crucial work done - if we strip away your day to day busyness, what is left? That is what you want to get done, keeping the vehicle that is your life moving, it may slow down but it won't stop. You want to put the minimum effort to keep it running, so you must pick what is essential to keep it running, and this varies depending on who you are; some people need to workout daily, read and go to work, others may only need to workout and ensure they drink water - neither of those options is 'bad' or 'good', the key is does it keep the vehicle moving forward? If the answer is yes, then you are doing your job.

We all enter funks, or have days where we feel fatigued, and that is when we need to focus on getting the essentials taken care of. We need to stop worrying about the things that are accessory, the things we do for show for the world or the things that won't fall apart if not done daily (for example checking email). This balance is especially important when one falls ill and is sick as well. Consider the idea of an object at rest wants to remain at rest, the second you stop, it'll get impossibly hard to get moving again, consider the post on resistance, it explains this concept perfectly.

Of course this doesn't mean not to reach out for more, but it does mean take care of the essential before you do anything that day or in that moment.

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Struggle The Craft Of Strength

The art of learning is wrapped tightly with the ropes of struggle, every step forward loosens the ropes ever so slightly, but if you can move forward you can move backwards. The struggle of trying to figure out something new, is beyond belief, the harder the challenge the tighter the ropes, the harder it is to wiggle your way free; the easier it is to give up and just walk away from it. When you jump into the unknown you will be surrounded by the fog of confusion and then tightly wound in the ropes of struggle, where when you take a step forward you are getting pulled back half a step. The optimist may view this still being progress, and they would be correct, the dangerous aspect of this pull backwards is that the second you try to turn around to think about giving up it'll pull you even further back. Now the decision to give up is easier to make, to just give up in a fog of confusion. These challenges are apart of the learning process, it is apart of growing and becoming stronger, it is the price one must pay to enter a higher level.

Imagine going to the gym, the struggle to lift a set of weights is what builds strengths, this is you struggling to lift those weights. The struggle is the craft of strength, strength can not be built without struggle, learning can't occur without struggle, sometimes the amount of struggle is extremely high, other times the amount of struggle is low, but the struggle to achieve is always there. The goal as a humanbeing trying to learn, trying to grow is to use that struggle as a guide, it is showing you the path you need to travel down. Using struggle as a guide allows you to pursue things you would otherwise give up because you met some resistance, it shows you that the thing you are trying to do is worthwhile. This is the point of struggle, everyone can do it, but not everyone is willing to struggle and suffer to learn something.

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Beyond The Box

Boxes are set all around us, and typically we set those boxes up, because then we can easily define things, keeping them organized. Our thinking is that the boxes are meant to keep things separated and keep things organized and easy to explain things, but they also have negative parts to them. Once we define a box and set it's limitations that is it, that is its limits, you can't go past them unless you break the box and get rid of it, otherwise we can move within that box and if we wish to leave we must close the door to that box before opening another box. This idea of separation stops ideas and concepts from connecting and evolving, but that is a tiny part of the bigger picture. The bigger is that the world is limitless, but the second we create a box for an idea we have now told it it's limits, we are no longer limitless in our ability to shape the idea and expand it. How foolish is that? We could do anything, we could be completely free but we choose to chain ourselves down, in the hopes of what?

If we were to get rid of the boxes and definitions that we have placed on the world when we are about to outgrow the box, that allows us to organize our thoughts and the world, but still allow for infinite growth, limitless expansion. The boxes can be used as guides instead of cages, getting rid of them, leaving them open allowing ideas to intermingle but still giving you the sanity you seek - the control you want.

Allow change to occur, don't allow yourself to be defined by the goal you set out, instead let that goal be a guide. Let the topic you decided to write on, evolve and grow as you write. Is it not the title of the post? Cool then change the title, let the words evolve as they go, when the world shifts under your feet, shift with it.

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Cultivating Creativity

When do we notice that we are experiencing something? When are we just going through the motions and not noticing the creative juices flowing? Or when are we stifling our creative mind, and stunting our curiosity? We can also flip this line of questioning to be how can we better cultivate the creative mind and living in the moment. It begins with silence, not the silence of their being no noise, but the silence of no music blaring, no podcast playing, no tv show playing in the background (yes movies count). When we are forced to be present in what we are doing or we are forced to look inward at what is occurring we are giving permission to our mind to explore the universe as it is. It's no longer being distracted, being told what to think, it is trying to connect new and old ideas. You want your mind to be as free and creative as possible, the more input you give your mind, the less it can output, and the lower the quality of the output. Does that make sense? Let's assume no, so let's break it apart.

When you start absorbing information your mind doesn't question or explore that information, it takes it in and if it likes it, it integrates, if it doesn't then their is a conflict where it tosses that information out. Something else can happen, it may not even be thinking of the information that is being inputted, it is simply taking in information so that way you don't have to think for yourself. For those of you whom think for yourself, and try to break things apart, you know it is hard work, now imagine being told what to think, or what to imagine in your mind... You don't have to do any of the hard work, it's been 'done' for you. Your mind goes into autopilot, and it loves that as it is saving energy, like your phone when it enters power saving mode. Is this a good thing though? Yes, it was a wonderful thing in the beginning of mankind, but now most of us have an abundance of food, so this whole expenditure of energy is actually worthwhile. It allows us to make more informed decisions, it allows us to explore how we think, and what is going inside. It also increases our creativity because we are just exploring instead of being in a coma. Silence helps cultivate this, because you are no longer absorbing and taking in all the garbage of the world.

Find the stuff that is truly worth listening to, truly worth watching and reading; then when you want to listen/watch/read that information do it intentionally. Do it intentionally and not on in the background, you will gain so much more and still allow yourself to be creative in the off time.

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The Proximity Effect

There exists a saying that says "tell me the 5 people you spend the most amount of time with and I'll tell you your future", now how true is this thinking? Consider this when you listen to a music you dislike often you begin to grow fonder of it, or either hate it, you don't stay in the position of dislike for long - a side must be picked. Now imagine this with the people in your life, you grow fonder and feel deeper for those whom you spend the most time with, the ones you talk to the most. You may start acting like them, you may start falling in love, or you may begin to despise them, it really just depends. This is the proximity effect in a nutshell, something we don't think about or even try to cultivate. Do you consider who you talk to on a daily basis? Do you think about how they are influencing you? The kicker is you may think they aren't influencing you at all, but the mind is a tricky bugger and we simply lack the awareness to notice the subtle influence. Is this our fault? That isn't a useful question, what is useful is the question of who is this person? Take in all the negatives and positives and see how they view the world, figure out if this person is adding to your life or subtracting from it. The better way to think about it is what good qualities do you think you may gain from this person, and then take the counterpoint, what negative qualities will you gain from this? The most important part of that previous sentence is that now you can decide if you want this person in your life, but we as people don't like kicking people out of our lives - thus the more applicable advice is watch out for those habits occurring in yourself; be on the lookout for the negatives and the positives, then cultivate the ones you want.

The thing with the proximity effect is that it is constantly occurring, it is happening right this second. So think about who you want in your life and who will help you grow. Pull away from those that pull you down, this is different from slowing you down. Slowing you down means they are trying to grow and reach where you are at, and trying to improve their life; pulling you down means they don't care about your growth and wellbeing nor their own. We all go through phases and it's important to help people that are in a temporary funk, but notice if they are reaching out and trying to help themselves.

Yes, the proximity effect is about sound and microphones, but read and read are the same word they can be used in two different situations meaning two different things. Yes, that was a poor analogy but that's what you are getting.

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The Positives Of The Negative

We begin to question the world and ourselves when we are feeling sad or angry, when we are in a negative mental state. Now when we are happy we don't question the feelings or our thoughts, we love being happy; it's the best feeling in the world. We don't care why we are happy or what brought that upon us, all we care about is that we are happy. How about when we are frustrated, or sad? What do we do then? Do we simply accept it and go along for the ride? Or do we begin to search for something? This something could be anything from why you are feeling the way you are feeling to what is your purpose in the universe.

Happiness is a wonderful thing, it has all the pieces we want in the world, it has joy, positive thinking and just general dopamine and serotine hits of the highest levels, so why would we be curious during that time? Why explore new places within you or around you when you are perfectly happy in the current situation you are in? On the other hand when you are feeling any negative emotion, you become curious, you want to know why it began, or how long it'll stay, perhaps what it is. Now you may also search for why you are alive, or how that interaction went and why it went that way. See how many things arise when you are feeling a negative emotion? You begin to get curious and you are more willing to change, this change isn't inherently positive or negative, it is simply the willingness to change. When we are in a negative state, we want it gone so we are more willing to try new things, to find new ways of living and to improve our life. This doesn't happen when we are happy. When we are happy we are content, but when we are sad or angry or frustrated we are not content with our life or the situation at hand - so what do we do? We reach for something more, we seek to grow.

What will you do the next time you are feeling down? Will you explore that feeling, and grow from it? Or still simply view it as terrible and horrible, wanting it to end as soon as possible.

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Thoughts Of Another

What were you just thinking? What was your last thought? How sure are you about that being your last thought? Now tell what someone else is thinking? What they are feeling? Now you might have some idea based on context clues, body language but can you tell yourself with certainty what they are thinking? The sad thing is you can ask the other person what they were thinking, but people lie with ease, so can you trust that? Perhaps it's something more complicated than how it is currently being explained. Even if it is more complicated, how can you ever assume to think you understand what another is going through, or what they are feeling; what we are doing is overlapping our thoughts, our perspective over the situation, over the person and saying "yes this is it". This can be pretty damn accurate depending on your awareness of another, but it will never be fully accurate, because as Naval mentioned in an interview life is played in single player mode, and that we are simply viewing the world from our lens.

Writing is such an interesting expression, as it simply flows until it doesn't and that signifies the ending of the post, and sometimes that ending, or the post isn't what you wanted, but that is the consequence of ones limited ability - this can be expanded of course, by working on writing even more and improving ones thinking, but this is where it begins. It begins by putting in some effort and doing it consistently.

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Reactions Of The Inner Self

When the anger of a person begins to rise, the yelling starts and the little person within us begins to look for it's best weapon, it's best defense, which may be a strong offense. These weapons are how we react when someone begins to yell, when someone starts to attack us, do we go for a stab in the back as the conversation comes to a close, do we attack them and not the argument, or do we generalize their entire being by using 'always' or 'never'. The question becomes how do you react to others encroaching on your boundaries and your spirit? Do you hold the line, or do you let them run amok but once you get fed up simply explode, not explaining or setting a boundary but simply raging?

The question of how you are reacting is important because it tells you the condition of your spirit, it tells you the conditioning of the past, the pain of the past and how it has shaped you. This allows you to strategize and figure out how you ideally want to react, how you want to protect yourself and guard your boundaries. Aggressive when protecting yourself, yet not lashing out. Observing your outer actions is an excellent way to figure out the state of your inner spirit. The path of recovery of the inner spirit is a long and hard one, it may take a few months but may also take a decade because imagine your boundaries being overrun from when you were a child and then the responses of anger and lashing out getting ingrained deeper and deeper into your brain, until it is second nature. To repair all that damage begins by slowly rebuilding the boundaries, by retraining yourself, by retraining your inner warriors to protect your spirit. In the start all you may be capable of is noticing and noting down your reactions, then perhaps finding the pattern, and then further along you start standing up for your boundaries, every once and awhile; this is the process of rebuilding your empire.

Whomever said it is easy rebuilding your self-worth and changing the way you react to the outside world is a extremely difficult task, one that you must consider as a journey, like a nation building a bridge or changing their governments, they'll take a couple of dozen years to accomplish it. Consider yourself as a nation, and begin to rebuild.

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What Excuse Do You Have?

What is the excuse you keep telling others? What is the excuse you are telling yourself? What reason do you keep finding to stop yourself from touching the stars? Why? Most people have an excuse they default to, that they fall back on when they don't want to put in that effort to achieve something or even do something. What is that excuse for you? Why do you seek a reason not to hold the universe in your hands?

We seek something more than the existence we currently hold, yet we never want to leave where we are at. So how do we break this pattern, of self abuse (yes, this is a low threshhold for the word self-abuse)? We must notice the excuse we use, and then break it apart as to why it doesn't make sense, logically splitting the argument apart until we can't use it again. Another way that is more effective but requires a lot of willpower is to push past the excuse and just do it. If you think about it, everything comes down to either doing it or not doing it, so it really is that simple.

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The Unseen Path

We seem to want to believe that we can see all the paths in front of us, and that we 'know' the paths of the past, yet what will occur in a week? What paths can you notice? We want to have some sense of control in our life, so we try to control the path we are on, we try to guide our life into a particular lane. When we try to get this sense of control, we don't care if the path is bad, or if it is good, we like to say that it is ours. We want to be able to be certain because life is full of uncertainty, if we can hold onto any certainty we jump at it. This holds true for relationships, careers, and anything else in this world.

We want to be able to be able to say that we know where we are headed, we don't want the universe to control the flow. When we head down a certain path we forget about all the paths that aren't seen leading us to forget that humanbeings are explorers; when we were children we explored the world, remaining curious the entire time. We are now older, and we shed off our curiousity cape and now we drive in between the lines. This killing of curiosity, destroys the chances of stumbling on a path that may be phenomenal for you, it may still happen but the chances are reduced.

This search for certainty causes us more pain than the exploration of the world, but it comes at a very perceived initial cost; that is believing in the universe, and thus believing in yourself.

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The Creeping Of Resistance

We consider friction just a physics concept but it impacts us in ways we never think about. Friction is a type of resistance, as we build up a habit we are pressing the gas peddle every time we do that habit, and the friction of the road(life) slows us down ever so slightly, but we don't notice it because an object in motion wants to stay in motion, thus allowing momentum to build. This building of momentum, of speed gives us a feeling of ease, where we think we can not be stopped, this is wonderful for those that keep building on it, but terrible for those who ease up on the gas. The second we stop doing that habit, the friction takes over, the resistance begins to creep and grow, slowing down your momentum, making it harder to speed up, harder to get that momentum back.

This is where we reach the climax, where we must decide if we start up the habit right this second or continue to let it slip away. We can easily ignore the slowing down, the resistance building because we are still moving forward, so we can easily blame that, but once we stop... you can't blame anything other than yourself. Now we reach a new problem, an object that is at rest, wants to remain at rest, this is when resistance grows quickly and fast; the longer you wait, the greater it gets, the harder it becomes to start again.

Maintain the habits, show up, that is half the battle.

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Eroding Solitude and Silence

Many many years ago silence and solitude were easy to find, easy to have incorporated in your life, but now we have the entire universe in our pocket. This universe allows us to easily distract ourselves, by listening to a podcast, music, a youtube video - let's be real here, it's never just one video, it's a handful, or simply scrolling through an endless feed of nothing. These actions that are taken are done out of this wanting to feel accomplished, informed or simply to learn something but in this seeking of knowledge and distraction we give up on self reflection, we give up on solitude and silence. When we go for a walk or get up from our desk, we reach and grab our phone, perhaps our headphones, and start seamlessly streaming something so we can keep moving forward. This illusion of moving forward does nothing for you, it simply distracts you from looking within, eroding the silence and solitude that only comes in small slivers.

We continue to seek things from the outside world, hoping that a solution will show up, chasing the easiest solution possible, but this destroys your chances of finding anything within, finding the pieces you hold as an identity, finding the peace that is hidden away, and even finding the truth of the universe, whatever that might be.

When you are driving your car do you play music, or the radio or listen to a podcast? When you feel the urge it comes out of habit because when you sit in silence for an extended period of time (sadly this means 5 minutes) you are forced to look within, then you see all the demons swimming around, but you miss all the pieces and flakes of gold that shine back, that show you who you are; maybe you don't want to see yourself, the monster you are, but then you'll never see the goodness of yourself, the saint you may be.

This whole idea of seeking outside of yourself tarnishes your ability to reflect on living, it reduces your mind into mush, instead of understanding yourself you focus your efforts into understanding others. This question arises, who in your life can you sit in silence with? What does that mean? If you and a friend are sitting together hanging out, which ones can you simply sit in silence with and still feel comfortable? Perhaps that is impossible because you can't sit in silence on your own, you have eroded all solitude because it is something that scares you - you are scared of yourself.

As time goes riverbanks may get eroded and start destroying the river and possibly roads, and if it is not caught in time, it'll collapse and the costs of repairing it may be extremely high - consider the article of Preventative Measures, the cost is much higher to be reactive, than it is to be proactive.

Do not let the silence fade away to the black of this screen.

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Preventative Measures

When do we decide to take care of ourselves, or to put in the work we know we need to put in? Is it before it is needed? Or when their was no other choice? Consider this real world example, most companies had no way to work from home, but then COVID hit, what happened? They slapped together some bullshit so that way they could still make money while everyone worked from home, this ability to work from home would never have arisen, but had to arise because of a need. Now imagine game development companies that had previously setup methods for employees to work from home, they had setup preventative measures that saved them from sure disaster, and more so allowed them to thrive. Now this also applies to the human being, the you that is reading this.

When do you start working out? When do you start studying? When do you start doing yoga? When do you... step up and take care of ourself? Is it after a doctor says "hey if you don't lose 50lb, you'll die" or is it after an injury, or perhaps a failed exam? All these methods of self-care and self improvement occur are reactive measures, they are taken after the problem occurs, now for most problems this isn't an issue, and provides you with the motivation to achieve what the desired result, but... this isn't always the case. Sometimes you have reached the brink and their is no turning around, there is only going forward, hoping that you'll be okay on the other end and not broken into a thousand pieces. This is because we rely on reactive care for every problem, even most tech solutions arise as a reaction to a problem, not to prevent the problem from ever occurring.

If we take actions to take care of ourselves before we get near the brink we can continuously improve and never reach the brink, if we get injured it won't be as bad, because we took care of ourself before we got injured. This type of thinking can apply to anything and everything, it can allow you to lead a better life, create a better experience for those who use your products etc.

Shift your mental, and solve the potential issues before they arise.

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The Art Of Language

This post was inspired by Tinkered Thinking. Looking to connect with Tinkered Thinking? You can hit them up on Twitter: @TinkeredThinker.

What do words mean? Do we ever think about th meaning of words when we say them? More accurately do we think about how others interpret the meaning of the words we use? Perhaps we all believe we hold the same definition as everyone else, yet we really don't know how others use words or anything of the sort. This makes communicating with others a lot harder, because the use of language between individuals is so different, even if it is only slightly different, it does add up and compound.

Let's take a real world example, the word "happiness" when I typically use the word happiness, I mean to be at peace, just a little bit above peace, whereas when most people use the word happiness they mean to be having a peak experience. Now imagine having a conversation about happiness with a friend, and you hold the definition of having a peak experience and they hold the meaning of being slightly above peace, this slight disconnect may not mean much in this scenario, and your friend won't make a big of deal of it, they will smile and continue the conversation; yet the feeling of what did they mean by that sentence won't really leave them. This feeling gets amplified as the topics of discussion get more important, more heated, now the meaning of words makes a huge difference. A slight disconnect can leads to a large fissure occurring between you and another; yet in your mind you believe you made things perfectly clear. So you now are solidified in your position and believe you are right, and the other person will be solidified in their position and believe they are right - imagine how this rift will grow as time goes on.

This little thing, this little mistake could mean nothing in one interaction, but consider how many interactions are occurring in this moment, how many people are in fights, how many people are simply talking, all these little differences in meaning add up, creating a rift unlike any other.

Now of course we need a solution to this and the manner in which we can do that is getting comfortable with knowing a word doesn't mean what it means unless you specify what it means, this means communicating with others, asking them what they meant by saying a particular word; now yes you can google the word but how do you know what they meant by that word? "Awe Shit", "Dude you're the shit! That's incredible!", "You're a piece of shit", "You're shit" - all these sentences use the same word, all in different meanings, yet your brain interpreted them all to mean something, depending on context clues, now in certain places you are wrong that wasn't the intention, but you may be right.

So take the time to get comfortable with knowing a word doesn't mean what it means unless you specify what it means.

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Maintaining Organization

Organization is so paramount in cultivating a sense of control which in turn helps us feel stable as we tumble around in the universe, so the key is how do we maintain organization? Most of us dislike organizing and cleaning our homes every week, or month or day, whatever suits your fancy, yet it is vital to us feeling like we have the ability to get things done in a productive manner. So where to begin, now this varies from person to person, but you must begin by cleaning and organizing everything, everything. This organization you are doing is the the setting up of a base of operations a place where you can then add onto, the key to organization and even productivity is that you gain more when you subtract and you gain less when you add. How does subtracting lead to gaining more? Simple, there are less things to worry about, less steps to take, less work to do, and therefore you being the lazy being you are, are more inclined to do it. Now once you have your place organized and cleaned, things become easier, their is less work on your plate.

The real work begins with keeping things organized and clean, taking 5 minutes out every evening to cleanup any messes made, to reorganize the things that have been laid out due to laziness. This 5 minutes a day will protect you from you, allowing you to maintain an organized and clean home/workplace, this will also lead into you feeling more organized about the things you need to do and calmer as the world around you feels as if it is in 'your' control.

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The Compassionate War

There is a war going on inside of us and going on all around us, this war is all about compassion, compassion towards others, and towards ourselves while not being walked all over. This is the hardest balance to maintain, how do you remain kind to others and yourself without losing yourself in the sauce? Let's say we feel an extremely negative emotion and we want this emotion to go away, and so we fight with it, we fight with ourselves to hopefully get rid of it; in order to win the war against this emotion we must be compassionate. So now we are in a path where we must choose how to go about this particular task, because in some aspects we want to solve it and never think about it again, in other aspects we may have a large amount of curiosity and simply wish to explore it. This makes life harder in some ways because we don't want to lose, or feel like we are losing and we definitely don't wish to endure more pain than we have to, so what can we do? The thing with compassion is we must feel the pain that is arising and try to understand it, we can't simply avoid it or run away from it. We must feel every aspect of it, in order to surpass it (even thinking about surpassing it is avoiding and running away from it, which is extremely interesting).

This is where the balancing act becomes so important, to not be swallowed up by the pain or by others we must defend ourselves, perhaps by distracting ourselves, or being a little standoffish with others, but if we favor those things too much we lose the opportunity to truly understand and to grow. So the question becomes how can we win this compassionate war? Perhaps the issue is the idea of winning, we wish to win this war, but perhaps it isn't about winning, it may be a war where peace is made through a compromise(Yes, those wars are extremely rare and if it is truly a compromise made by both sides then that is even rarer, but the ones who do end up doing such things, save so much time and stop so much bloodshed from occurring.). If we gave up the idea of winning, then we would only be trying to understand, which will lead to us better being able to cope and to explore.

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Who is The One That is Prepared?

We all know someone that we can turn to for advice, for help, someone who is prepared, but do we ever consider why that person is the way they are - what trials they have gone through? Here is a flip side to that same thought, when we plan to do something with some people we may not prepare as much as we normally would, because we know this person will be fully prepared. Isn't that something everyone wants to be? The one that holds the fort down, the one who is prepared and ready for anything. We go through the majority of our youth having teachers be the ones that are preparing things for us, and keeping us held accountable, then we get jobs and our boss keeps us accountable, along with money. Yet when do we ever hold ourselves accountable? When are we expected to be prepared for something, when their is no need to prepared? This could be going swimming to a friends death, who is the one you turn to, the one who is prepared?

Typically the person we see as the one who is the most prepared and the one who we turn to is someone we respect, and someone we want to become; yet do we think about how they got there? The things they have done? The steps they took to achieve what they have? Better yet do we ever ask them how they got to the place they are at? Some of course may not know how they are the way they are, and of course others may have a very good idea of why they are the way they are. This brings up a very important point, how does these people do in chaos?

Chaos is something interesting, something that a person that was described previously would be perfectly okay with, that is why they are prepared and even if they aren't prepared, they will quickly get a lay of the land and do their best to take care of themselves and everyone around them. This is what makes that person prepared, they are ready for anything and if they aren't ready, they will become ready the instant it becomes necessary.

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The Source

When we feel negative emotions what is our first thought? Better yet what are the thoughts following the first thought? Are we seeking to avoid? Or are we seeking for the source? This little exercise is very telling, because it shows you what your inclination is, and beyond that it shows you what your preference is. Are you a person that seeks the truth or simply seeks comfort? The one who seeks truth and is honest with themselves will begin to search for what the source of their pain is, even if it means they are entering darkness, even if it means a hard journey in front of them. This journey will most likely lead them into the unknown, a part of the universe not explored. This isn't the scariest part, the scariest part is the facing of the self, truly seeing all your demons - this is why we avoid seeking the source of pain, now pain could be sadness, it could be anger or anything under the sun; the simple answer is it pain = suffering.

Now let's assume we have begun to search for the source, we look within ourselves to see the truth, to see what really lies in the darkness, and what do we find? It could be anything from what we hide from others, or what we hide from ourselves. The next step seems stupidly simple but has the greatest impact, and that is being curious about what is there, being curious about what is happening and why it's happening. This means not judging what you are seeing, but watching it and exploring it. Exploring the properties of it, and more importantly is this really the source of the pain? Or is it simply a mask for heading why you are suffering? Now you may ask why would it be a mask? "I went searching for it, why would it continue to hide" or "why would I hide it from myself?", the simple answer is because then you have to deal with that suffering and deal with the fact you can't run away from it. So the better question becomes why wouldn't you hide it from yourself. It is a defense mechanism one used to protect your fragile sense of self, so it shouldn't be attacked but understood, and approached with kindness.

Now if you found the source, or what you believe is the source what can you do to solve it, if being curious isn't doing much. This is where things get tricky, every source is different, and that makes approaching them different for each scenario. The first thing that needs to be done is to understand it, understand where it is coming from and why it is arising, it could be there to protect you from getting hurt again. It could also be there to tell you that their is something wrong and you should look at it. You have to approach this problem with compassion because you created it, and if you approach yourself with a stick and try to beat it into submission it'll only lead it to shattering into hundreds of pieces and become ever harder to deal with it, the biggest thing it wants is to be heard. We all just want to be heard, and understood, the same applies for everything occurring within us.

Let's say we got to the point where we understand why the suffering is happening, and we understand that it is just trying to protect us. Then how do we get rid of it? Perhaps that is the issue, the whole wanting to get rid of - it is nearly impossible, this thing is apart of you, it might not be your favourite part, but it is a part. Wouldn't it be best to accept the part? Accepting the source of suffering? Then nurturing it into something sustainable - something healthy. Acceptance is what most people want, so why wouldn't this part want to be accepted? Consider it as if it is a child, if you reject it and try to push it away it'll simply throw a temper tantrum until you listen, now you might never listen, it'll fade so it's just white noise, but that doesn't mean you have solved things - if anything it'll stem into every single action of yours.

How do you nurture this part. this thing you didn't really want and that caused you so much suffering and pain? Ah that is also difficult no part of this process is easy, and it requires constant work, constant effort, constant care. So you begin by talking to it, when it flares up, give it your attention, listen tp understand, not to reply. Begin by consoling it, telling it, it isn't necessary to flare up, to lash out - that you are listening now, and perhaps even apologize for ignoring this part for so long. This might seem wishy-washy but consider this, is ths part you? Is this thing a part of you? Is it you? Shouldn't it then get an apology? Doesn't it deserve that much, for not being cared for?

This is the thing, who knows what the right answer is, but curiosity allows us to learn more about the situation, giving us time to figure out a solution. Curiosity allows us to enter hidden areas within us, because it is not limited by certainty.

Be curious and explore the depths of your spirit, even if it feels like shit. Look for the truth that lies beneath the surface. It is harder than it seems.

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Easy Words

It is easy to say a bunch of words to convey how smart you are, or want the world to believe you are but it much harder to embody your words. Consider meditation and the art of zen, lots of people speak about it as if they embody these ideas and topics, but most do not, it's simply an act. We type out words to our friends, the internet and our colleagues without thinking about if we believe these words, and if they are something we embody, or if they are simply words that allow us to pander to others. This brings us to a crossroads, are we saying the words because we wish to embody those words or are we saying them to pander to another, the distinction can be easy ignore but is vital to our own understanding of ourselves.

If we are attempting to embody the words we are saying, that means we wish to head in that direction and learning to speak using those words perhaps is vital to becoming it, or it may be a fatal attempt to engrain it within you. You may be tricking yourself into believing you have become it because you use the words so convincingly but have yet to even scratch the surface of it. This is where a delicate balance must be struck, because using the words you wish to embody helps you to constantly think and question that way of being, which in turn may prompt you to become that thing. In the end saying words or writing words becomes easy, it isn't the tell tale sign of actual hard work, of something tangible, it is more so just words on a page.

Consider this piece that is written or any piece of writing the author may or may not embody what they are saying, they may be trying to become that thing, or they may be just trying to portray themselves as such, but that doesn't take away from the truth of the writing; it should make you step back and say how true is this piece of writing? Why was it written and what is it actually trying to say, not what is written with words but what can be gleaned from it and what is its true essence.

When you are reading anything it's best not to compare yourself to the author and what they think because they may be learning how to think just like you are, they may be writing to gain a new perspective, so they are just like you - a student of learning, of curiosity.

Words are easy, so never put too much weight into them.

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Regression Is Progress

We continue through life in the hopes of progressing continuously, hopefully in a linear fashion without any plateau but that is where we fail in our way of thinking. We believe that progress is always forward and always going up, that if we stall out on a plateau or if our progress slows down in any fashion we are failing. Progress is more complicated than yes or no, it is a fluid state and fluid states fill the stages they are set in, moving about and finding the perfect balance. When we are progressing and going through something within life it becomes harder and harder to progress because we are getting closer to 100% (whatever that might be). If we are starting at 0% when learning how to meditate, the second we learn anything we have made a huge leap in our knowledge, it isn't linear and as we continue to learn we progress incrementally but we will come to a point where we aren't growing and this could happen for any number reasons including all the knowledge we have gained needing to be processed and ingrained into us.

Now let's say we feel ourselves regressing back to a previous state, that awareness of noticing that we are regressing means we have progressed and are progressing right this second. We wouldn't have been able to tell we were 'regressing' unless we had progressed so far that we would be able to tell that we are regressing and to actually catch ourselves while it is occurring. This regression allows us to witness our growth sometimes in the best manner, perhaps reigniting the flame of curiosity and of trying to make progress. Consider the stock market most of the time the price of any stock in the day to day does not go linearly up, it sometimes pulls back and then keeps going up or plateaus and then goes up; if we look at the stock market over a large enough time period it looks like it has been going up linearly the entire time. This is where perspective is important, when we are within the problem we carry around a particular perspective that does not allow us to see the full picture.

When we are regressing or even plateauing it is important to take a step back and breathe, before moving forward or even before moving backwards. That moment of pausing can allow you to turn things around, or head in a completely new direction.

Pause. Breathe. Move.

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What is Zen?

It is simple, it is only existing and experiencing the world without the reference frame of good and bad. It isn't a complex topic, it isn't something that can be learned or taught. Zen is something that simply exists and is experienced, it is beyond the words of man - this is where language fails us. Language can only get us so far in the topics of zen and living, which if done 'right' is one of the same, so what do you do when language fails?

Once language fails, you must begin to experience the world and learn from it, by way of curiosity. It is no longer about knowing but about existing and questioning the things that are happening - it isn't a race, nor a comparison game.

Zen is all around you, it is all existing around you, it is you. It can not be explained, it can not be written, it can only be experienced.

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What To Read?

After reading numerous books or perhaps just starting to read, the question 'what should I read? What is the best thing to read?'arises, this question either stalls us in our pursuit of knowledge or helps guide us to where we want to do, but how do we push towards the guide us and not the stalling us part?

It begins with asking the right questions, starting off with the general question of "why do I want to read?" then narrowing based on that, and finally when you have a book in front of you that you think you want to read, the question that you should ask yourself is "What is the purpose of this book? What am I hoping to gain from it?". Those questions will lead you to your answer of if the book is worth reading or not, if the book fails to captivate you or fails to provide information that you were hoping to gain then put the book down and find a different book.

The thing school never taught you is, is that you don't have to finish a book you don't like, if you hate a book or dislike it, put it down and pick up a different one - this is not an exam or being graded; it is for your own pursuit, whatever that may be. Another really cool thing about reading is you can just be wanting to read for fun, and that is just as good as reading to gain knowledge.

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From Gold To Dust

When we were all children we were covered in gold, before we even knew what the word gold was or what the color yellow was. We were happy, carefree, covered in gold, without a care in the world, but as time went on, as we engaged with our parents, with adults the gold that we were covered in started fading away and we started rusting, as the world covered us in dust and grim with their words, with their actions, with anything. We hit a split in the road and either think of ourselves as a god and above the world, covering ourselves with gold paint, or we turn into nothing, going into a depressive state where the world walks on us and we do nothing. These two splits can both lead to the same thing, which is the rebuilding of self, the grandiose path involves burning all that gold paint off, and the depressive state is a breaking of that state.

From gold we must turn to the dirt, to the dust and work, work on the minimal work, doing the tedious tasks and doing it with pride, as if it was all that existed in the world, gaining respect for washing the floors, gaining an understanding of what it means to work just to survive. Working on the mental, working on the spiritual, beginning afresh, starting from the ground and working your way up. Some believe they don't have the time to rebuild, they don't have the time to be covered in gold, so they'll rush around from one thing to the next quickly painting themselves gold, thinking that that is enough, all the while feeling empty.

This rebuilding can take many forms but it begins by rebuilding, by splitting from the path you know, by stopping the blame of your parents, your family, adults from when you were younger. It starts by taking responsibility and focusing on understanding others, and playing in the dirt, learning how to clean the floors. Most people don't realize they need to rebuild themselves and start taking responsibility until they are much older and when time becomes precious, but the time is made for it because the importance of that work is understood.

To be covered in gold is a gift, a gift that is freely given but hardly earned.

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A Failure Turned Into A Success

What do you do when all the pieces come tumbling down? What do you reach for? A bottle of wine or a piece of paper and a pen. What do you do when you feel as though everything is crumbling around you? This is the sign of who you are, when everything falls apart and breaks, what pieces do you reach for? These questions are worth repeating because they are essential to being to able to rebuild, and to grow beyond your fall from the high tower.

The things we reach out for help us either become more stable or weigh us down as we are falling, this difference in quality makes a world of difference in our wellbeing.

This was one of the worst posts ever written, it was not completed - why was it the worst? Simple, it was not prioritized, it was something left till the very end of the day, when all resources have been depleted and all effort drained. So whose fault is it? Who is responsible for this choice? To allow time to "slip" away and be stuck at the end of the night with an empty post that failed? You can blame everything from the weather to not drinking enough water, but it doesn't change anything. The fault lies with you, with me. Everything matters, and nothing matters, that is the complexity and duality of life, you must decide what you do, what you love and how you go about your day. Yes, things arise, but that can't be an excuse. Some days need to be lazy days where nothing of importance gets done, but you have the choice of getting some things done that are important to you, the things you promised yourself. Perhaps you only promised yourself to get out of bed and make it, good. Do that, it isn't much but some days things are hard, or perhaps your minimum is working out and meditating and if you can just accomplish that the rest of the day doesn't matter. Now the most important note has yet to be made, how much energy are you willing to dedicate to what is important to you? Is it something you just do for fun, or is it something that gives you the space to breathe and be alright no matter what the circumstance is. This matters because then you know how much energy to give it, and the thing with this, is that we never know how much energy something actually needs until we are in the situation when we gave it too little energy - this moment is fleeting though, as we tend to forget about the importance of a thing the second it is no longer thought of; make a note to your future-self with as much detail as possible so you will relive the experience and then allocate the right amount of resources to the task at hand.

This is where growth occurs, it is where we find our passions, it is where we know what is truly important. Then it is all in our hands, we have the choice what we do. Where we choose to allocate time, now you can't blame the world, you can't feign ignorance, because you are fully aware. - An idea: you have to corner yourself in order to fully understand yourself and get yourself to do something, because otherwise you will always search for an excuse.

Note: This post was not meant to go in this direction, but see that is the magic of possibilities(Check Out The Post on Possibilities & Certainty), if their was certainty about how this post was meant to be made then it would have failed and their wouldn't have been a new post for today. Keep going, explore. Be Curious.

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The Coming Of Death

Most stoics consider themselves immune to others deaths, as if they will be unaffected by it as death comes for all of us, it is apart of life so why be bothered by it? At least that is one of the things stoicism pushes, yet death is also an emotional thing, yes this emotional thing could be something that is ingrained in us by culture but that isn't the point of this piece. It comes in like a tidal wave, something that even if expected has an unexpected consequence, which is a numbing sensation and the thought of "this can't be real, I'll see him/her in a few weeks" or perhaps the numbing and thoughts are more akin to you having to face your own mortality, that you can't simply run away from death or that it won't come for you.

This is the struggle our egos go through, our minds struggle with the idea that we are like others, that we share this "burden" of mortality. Death can take anyone away from us, and we have no control over it. This is the part we dislike the most and it is because of the uncertainty and the fact we are just like everyone else, simply dust.

Here is a beautiful piece written by the Philosophor AI which is a project done by Murat Ayfer

Now as we discussed this topic of dying and death, we feel a certain discomfort in it, an uneasiness, it is something we wish to avoid, but doesn't that show that it is important to discuss? That this discomfort is something we will all face and one day we ourselves will die. To accept it and to allow it to occur is so important because then we can truly feel everything that is occurring.

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Limited Possibilities Of Certainty

This question and idea comes from The Tinkered Question, looking to get into the beta? Follow it on twitter The Tinkered Question. The question we will be exploring is "How can we stay open to possibilities when we expect certainty?"

When we go about our daily life and think about the future we like to be certain what will occur, we try to shimmy the odds into our favor so we can go about life without worrying about what might happen. This seeking of certainty is natural, as it's what we have been taught throughout school and throughout life that the unknown is dangerous, leading us to having this fear of taking a leap of faith - though many believe in religion, many don't believe in religion, yet both of those are leaps of faith. Now this addiction, this longing for certainty is meant to protect us, but what if it is only caging us in?

Being certain leads us down an intended path, with an intended outcome, the right outcome but that is the only thing that exists. This path is the only path you are looking for, it is the only path that can exist in your world, so what happens when you get flung off this path? Or better yet what happens when there is another possibility that has been missed, because of your need for certainty?

When we seek a certain outcome, all chances of a better outcome diminish, because you have declared them impossible or something that doesn't interest you. You can no longer expand beyond your thinking, shutting off any chances of growth whether negative or positive. You become static in your life, as you choke out the numerous possible outcomes that you could never plan for.

Begin with the end in mind, but do not fixate that, that is the only end, and this is the only path.

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The Regression Of Questions

Questions sometimes arise in a random fashion, but when they arrive they are nothing more than a surface thought, they hold no semblance of anything important but this is when they are the most important. This is when they can either lead to more questions, or lead to a simple shallow answer then the jumping to another thought, letting all other possibilities slip through the hands of time. The moment the first question arises you have touched the surface, now you can explore this question in a width wise fashion, ie exploring the surface of mars, or you can go for depth, allowing that initial question to the spot where you go deeper into the question. It begins by attempting to answer the initial question with a solid indepth answer, and as you are going about answering, you must look out for new questions that are arising because of that first question.

This is the regression of a question, allowing yourself to be lead down a rabbit hole of questions, providing you with new perspectives to better understand yourself and the world around you. It begins with that initial question, that first one can lead to a plethora of good questions and what we truly seek is incredible answers, that go beyond what you were initially looking for, and give you a piece of gold - this piece of gold can not be taken away from you because it was worked for, because it was earned.

Allow the first question that arises to guide you to future questions in exploration fo truth.

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When is it Honor?

How important is honor to you? How important is honor to your culture, or society? Is it even something you think about? These seem like unimportant questions but they are something to think about, something that leads us to think beyond what we normally consider. Most people who reach a certain aspect of thinking or a certain phase in their way of being try to honorable in their actions and their words because they realize they don't wish to have regret, but what if honor is getting in the way of self-improvement and growing as an individual, would that still be considered honorable? Would that still be the right action, the one that leads you to having the least amount of regret? Or is being dishonorable actually the only way to be honorable, as it allows you to continue down the path of self-improvement. Or is doing what is honorable always the method to doing right action and to improving oneself?

Perhaps this is where difference between pridefulness vs honor comes into play. What does it mean to honorable, honor comes from the latin word honos which means to do what is right, this doing what is 'right' is self guided, though it can also be placed into our minds by society as what is the right conduct that one must do. This is completely different than pride, pride is to take great pleasure or satisfaction for one's own achievements, it has nothing to do with what is right, but only for ones own greed and ethics. So doing something you believe is wrong in order to advance your self-growth would mean that it is done out of pride, or arrogance where as doing something that is difficult but important for your advancement in life would be honorable. Now here is the kicker, the true gem, can you be prideful about being honorable? This would mean you are being dishonorable with your pride about being honorable, thus tainting all the actions that were honorable. So the question then becomes is pride what is holding you back, pride about being honorable, as if it is some type of thing you can put in a trophy case to show the world, 'hey, I'm honorable, I'm better than you', is that what is occurring? If so then it was never honor, it was never truthfulness but the fact that you could tell the world "I am truthful, I am honorable". An honorable being would not tell the world they are honorable, they would simply be honorable, but a prideful person would tell the world they are honorable, or try to sneak it into conversations.

It is not honor that impedes us, but pride.

Note: Makes me think of the Gay Pride Parade, pride isn't a dangerous thing? As it is virtue signaling, stating 'because I take part of this parade, I am more liberal than you, I am better than you'. Isn't that taking away from what that movement was about when it started? When it started they wanted equality, they wanted justice.

Just some food for thought.

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Subjective Feelings

We feel so strongly, and we feel that our feelings and emotions hold weight that they are on our sides, yet we never question them so how do we know? We feel strongly then we tweet, we feel strongly and then we talk, yet we don't question what we are feeling or why we are feeling the emotions we are feeling. Are we getting charged up by a certain topic, and thus invalidating the other persons point without even considering the validity of their words? Are we simply believing that 'our' feelings are looking out for us, or meant to help us find the truth? We have the right to feel whatever we feel but nobody has respect those feelings that you are feeling, or walk on eggshells around them to protect you or even validate them.

Feelings and emotions arise from conditioning that has occurred throughout our lives and perhaps even what we have done to manifest certain feelings from certain triggers. We are also constantly being fed by media, people and the internet on how we should feel about every single topic; we are no longer allowed to discuss things and navigate to find our own path towards the truth. We are being shown a situation and being told how to feel about the situation and even what to say when you see that situation unfold. Now this goes back to feelings, just because you feel a certain way does not make the world be that way, you must question why you are feeling a certain why and where it comes from - not just saying this is how I feel, therefore it is how the world is, and what the truth is. The truth is more nuanced than that, and we lack the information and objectiveness to fully comprehend the truth. We are simply painting everything with the same broad brush in the hopes that the majority of the thing is that color, yet we really have no idea - we simply have a feeling.

Is this to say feelings are a lie and shouldn't even be considered? Not at all, feelings are important they provide some guidance and bring life into the thoughts that occur within the mind, they also help us understand ourselves and the world better but only when explored with curiosity. Just because you feel an emotion does not make it true, it simply means you must explore it and figure out the truth yourself. Consider it an indicter to direct your attention.

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The Empty Coffers

We rush to tell everyone everything, we rush to tell the world what we are doing and tell them everything going on with us but we never keep anything for ourselves. We continuously expose ourselves to everyone we meet, some more than others to the point that nothing is precious, giving away all the mystery of ourselves, sharing every little detail no matter how insignificant or how cherised something is. We give it away to whomever will take it, devaluing everything we are and can be. We end up being but a husk of our former selves. We gain nothing, we are nothing.

The counterpoint is sharing is a good thing, it gets people involved and gets people invested in you, so isn't that a good? Sharing something can be coming out of a place of vulnerability but if you share everything it is no longer about vulnerability, it is simply your never ending need for attention (this isn't fully accurate, and it gets very complicated). But shouldn't there be hidden treasures within you that are unlocked over time, seeds that are being watered in a room filled with sunshine, or perhaps a room filled with darkness, yet things still grow. Instead we just hand over the seeds of something that is precious because we want attention, we want to be cared for; the issue arises when we stop caring for those seeds ourselves. We leave them for others, allowing them to lose all value. We do this continuously, leaving us with no seeds, no fruits, no anything - just empty. The coffers that used to be filled with secrets and seeds when we were children have been emptied out and all but disappeared. We hold nothing of value, we simply exist only as gathers but not as protectors.

We are taught to keep spilling our guts to everyone, from our emotions to our thoughts to our dreams and even as far as things we find on the internet. We never seem to keep anything for ourselves, we never say to ourselves, perhaps this is only for me, we try to include others. This act of inclusion, is also complicated in itself, isn't a bad act, but it can negative consequences, because leave ourselves with nothing to care for, and thus we become aimless, we live without a purpose always reaching out to others to find a purpose.

Nobody in this entire world from the Dali Lama to Jesus to your mom can fill your coffers up, nobody can give you the seeds or grow them for you - can they help? Sure, but the majority of the work is yours and yours alone. That is the burden you must carry yourself. Some of us spend years and years trying to fill ourselves up, but we continuously search outside of ourselves to do this, and that will never work.

Hold somethings for yourself, keep something precious just for you, and no not porn or any other bullshit but something you find precious, perhaps it is an article that touched your heart, or a thought that needs to be cultivated or an idea you had while showering. Grow something, then share the fruits of your labour, NOT THE SEEDS, but the fruits.

Note: This idea, this thinking was inspired by the book "Iron John: A Book About Men" by Robert Bly

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How To Be Extremely Productive

The answer may be simpler than you might think, force yourself not to have any other choice but to be productive. begin by taking away all other options to be unproductive and to be unfocused. The more options you take away from yourself the higher the likelihood that you will be productive. Now your mind will attempt to find other ways to be unproductive but as you take away more things you increase the likelihood of productivity.

It's simply taking small pieces away until you are left with productivity, until then your mind will rush to various things as possible solutions to not be productive. A supplementary thing would be meditation, to help with your concentration or ability to focus for longer periods of time. If you think you can't meditate then sit in front of a blank wall for 10/20/40/60/90 minutes and just stare at it; focusing only on the wall. All you are trying to do is increase your minds ability to focus.

Note: My brain is fried, and this is the best you are going to get today. Notice I could have stopped at any moment, and said eh not today, maybe tomorrow but then I would have skipped a day, thus leading to many skipped days. Showing up is more than half the battle.

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The things we do to escape are almost limitless, we want to avoid something at all costs. This something differs between individuals but all of us have something that we are trying to escape. So we go out in search of escaping, some flock to alcohol or drugs, some flock to videogames others may flock to TV, and yes this includes youtube series. Almost everyone is trying to escape from a certain aspect of reality that they do not wish to face. This also has a range of possibilities some of us are scared of our emotions, some of us are scared of our minds, some of us are scared of being successful, some of us are scared of failing, but all these things have one thing in common, it is the fear of the unknown. We are scared of pushing past these things and actually doing them because we have no idea who we will be on the other side of it, how things will change and what impact that will have on our day to day lives.

So instead of facing our fears, we choose to escape into any medium we can, all to run away from the feeling of being scared. We will always changing yet we fear changing? That implies that we are always fearful. Once we break the cycle of escapism, we quickly end up facing what we were trying to avoid (this is of course unless you find another thing to escape into), we may be successful, we may be unsuccessful but it doesn't really matter. What really did matter is the fact that their was an attempt, that the escapism stopped for a moment, perhaps even longer than a moment. You have finally grasped a piece of reality that didn't exist for you before.

Taking even one step away from escapism makes the biggest difference in the world; you are one step closer to touching the fabric of reality.

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Lack Of Action

How many of us think about doing all these cool things and learning how to do more than what we do currently? How many of us even attempt to do those things? Maybe it is learning a second language, or maybe a side project we are looking to get into or if we want to go even smaller maybe it is simply organizing your home. None of these things are hard, but they all require effort and changing of your current habits and behaviour. Since we have this hurdle that we need to overcome, we simply don't put in enough energy to overcome the hurdle like in chemistry a reaction won't occur until it has enough activation energy.

This activation energy is what gets the ball moving, and what allows us to overcome the initial friction we feel when start or want to start a new project. Now the question really becomes how do we get this activation energy, this initial push to start working on things. The answer is simpler than one would prefer. Make sure their isn't any other option or any other choice, this will force you to do something productive or work on your new project. It'll push you one step closer to it, that is decreasing the activation energy needed. This could take the form of removing videogames from your life, or removing youtube from your life, or whatever your vice is, maybe it is alcohol? It doesn't matter what it is, but what is important is removing all other options until you do the thing you must do. Now some might say they 'can't' do that, but that is simply an excuse, what will happen if you do it? Will you die? If yes then you are right you shouldn't do it, if it causes you discomfort because it is a habit of yours then that is something that must be done lest you wish to remain the same for the rest of your existence.

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The Right Action

How do you know when you are doing the right thing, or better yet how do you know if the direction you are heading in is the right direction? What if grinding 12 hours a day to achieve your "dream" isn't the right call, and maybe you should have spent 4 hours at the beach reading and enjoying the waves. How do you know? The truthful answer is you don't know, you don't know what the right action is. You don't even know if you should say 7 words to make a person fall with you. You'll never know if the choices you make were right.

Let's say you make a choice, doesn't matter what but you make one, the first month of that choice you realize you messed up, and try to change that choice but then 6 months later it dawns you that you actually made the best choice possible. Then 50 years later you think about that random decision you made and it hits you that it was the worst mistake you ever made, as time passes you think of it less and less. Laying on your death bed you begin to think back on all your decisions, all your actions and realize they were all perfect in the circumstance that they were made in, smiling to yourself you pass away.

None of the actions matter all that much because in the moment you are making the best possible call you can, and at all points you do not know what the future holds. How can you blame a past version of yourself for not taking the 'right action', when you can't tell what the weather is going to be like tomorrow?

The right action is simply the action that was taken. It may not be the one you are most happy with, it might be the decision you regret but it was the right action when it occurred.


What about the actions that you thought about before doing them and knew they were the wrong choice when you did them? Alas that was something you had full awareness of and chose to ignore, so it wasn't the right action. This idea of the action that was taken, is always the right action does not give you or anyone the right to use it as an escape goat.

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As we go through life we have certain beliefs that we carry forward with a tight grip because without them we will be lost in the fog of confusion. We are never looking to question our beliefs but we are always looking for more beliefs to pack on top of our current beliefs, and where do we look? We scower books, podcasts and Joe Rogan's Podcast of course. Now if we come across something that goes against our current beliefs, we react negatively towards the person that said the belief, or just the belief in general, never entertaining the belief or questioning your own. Now some of us (myself included) when we see a new belief that counters a previously held belief jump to the new belief like a moth to a flame; with a continuous gnawing feeling that perhaps we are wrong, perhaps this isn't the belief. So we flip flop between beliefs, never really asking why or which one is more accurate to your current experience and your past experiences.

What is really happening when we encounter a new belief that is different than the one we hold is that we have approached a crossroad, where the beliefs are competing for your attention, competing for space in your mind. How do you allocate this precious space in your mind? Do you randomly just give it away to whatever new belief suits your fancy? or whatever old belief helps you cope with the world? Or do you question the beliefs, do you wonder around this crossroad to see which one aligns with the truth as you see it (notice I did not say "as you know it") - after questioning them both for validity. The funny thing about beliefs is that they are not black and white, but shades of grey and if you look even closer shades of every color. When you arrive at the crossroad two paths lay before you, nice brick paths that make traveling quite easy but they are predetermined already shapen and already have a direction. Yet they aren't the way you want to go, perhaps both of them together lead you in the direction you want to go; what do you do? The simple answer answer is create your own path, take the two beliefs mix them together and see if that is something that is an acceptable answer to your questions. Now the tricky part is you don't know the amount of each belief that is needed to truly answer your question, at least not without effort. This is where the best answers lie, in the exploration of both beliefs and creating your own, not something that is hand fed to you, but something you carve out for yourself. A new path, one that has not been trampled on by thousands.

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Do you want to be successful?

Do you actually want to be successful? Or are you just saying you want to be successful, because you think that is the right thing to want? These are fundamental questions that very few people ask themselves, they chase a goal or an ambition unsure why they aren't successful, and wondering why they aren't winning but haven't taken the time to ask themselves "Do I want to be successful?", whatever that means to them. Perhaps they are scared of being successful because in their minds they don't know what it means to be successful or how it will change their life. So as life goes on once they begin to experience a little bit of success they begin to shoot themselves in the foot, perhaps not on purpose, but they do. You do. Most people do.

We get stuck in the mindset that we know, and refuse to acknowledge that life can be better, that we do deserve to be successful because we worked for it, because we attempt to work at it. This is the biggest block within us, our mentality towards being successful, towards being happy. The biggest obstacle isn't your boss or your parents or your skin color, it is what you believe you deserve. Now society has helped instill those beliefs into you, but right now you have a choice. Which direction do you want to go in? What questions will you ask yourself?

So do you want to be successful?

*Note: You can stop reading, because that was a great ending, but I shall continue to write because I have more thoughts on this.

This idea of shooting yourself in the foot arises from you believing you don't deserve to be successful or happy, it stems from something in you that is broken or simply has been blocked. You need to search within to find the truth, the answers that hide from you. The biggest thing is when you start gaining some successful looking for little signs of self-sabotage, then realigning yourself to face in the direction you want to go in. Now would it help to have a definition of success? Yes it would, but is it necessary? Not really, because it is a learning process, your definition will shift as you gain more experiences in life, so the important thing is asking the questions, and searching for a meaningful answer. That will help you figure out everything in this universe.

Gentle curiosity.

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Chasing The Tail

We believe we have to chase the thing we told ourselves we want for our entire lives, we think that is the only way, the only path we have, yet we really have no idea if that is the truth or not. The issue if staying true to your past self is that person doesn't exist anymore. There are 3 versions of you, the past self (the one who read that last sentence), the present self (the one reading this word right now), and the future self (the one who finished this paragraph), the past self had ideas and beliefs that were true, but now they mean very little because the past self is in the past, and only the memories of the past self exist in the present, so now present you is making decisions for future you based on old information, based on past you, who if you look back was a fool. Every year or every few years when we look back at our past selves, we typically feel this sense of foolishness, or childishness towards them, perhaps because they were so wrong about an idea or concept. Now why would you, you in the present trust and continue to follow past you? The one you believe to be a fool, the one who lacked all this knowledge that present you has? This isn't to say past you was wrong about the path you are walking on, but did you even reevaluate the path in the present? Did you think about why you are still walking it?

We continue to chase our own tails, thinking we are moving forward but we may not be moving forward, because we are following the advice of someone who was perhaps wrong about lactose intolerant or wrong about a relationship they were in, and now you can see all the red flags. The past you did the best they could with what they knew, so shouldn't present you do the best they can to make the right choice without being beholden to a self that no longer exists?

This is important especially when chasing your dreams or your goals, as time goes on circumstances change, so why wouldn't you change with them? Why are you forcing yourself and feeling like shit for trying to want what past you wanted? You are forgetting to honor yourself when you do this, when you continue to chase the tail.

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The Excuse Of Laziness

The greatest excuse mind has ever come up with is that 'I'm feeling lazy' or 'I'm lazy' it resolves everything, doesn't it? You are no longer responsible for doing anything, your dreams, your goals, you have dissolved any possibility of you accomplishing what you 'want' to do. It is that simple, 'I'm feeling lazy' or better yet 'I don't feel like it right now' - the question becomes when will you ever feel like it? This excuse of being lazy is one that stops you from doing anything, it stops you from even attempting the task at hand. The more one thinks about the word 'lazy' the more one realizes how much of a crutch it really is. The truth of the matter is, you aren't lazy, you simply don't want it. That is the harsh truth of the matter, you simply don't want it. Your words may say you want it, but they are just for show, you don't want it at all. You're a coward, that is it. If you are thinking of using the excuse 'I'm feeling lazy' or 'tired' but wish to remain honest with yourself you must change your words to say 'I just don't care about it' or 'I don't want to do it', then your mind will scream in protest that, that isn't the reason why you aren't doing it - but you will know it is.

Laziness and being tired are one in the same, yet you can be tired, you could have had a long day, but the attempt you make to show up is what counts. The attempt that is made to show up and try to accomplish what you want matters the most. This goes back to the topic "It's Easy", everything is about keeping small promises with yourself, to build up a strength within yourself for when you think you are feeling tired and feeling lazy. Now of course you may not want the thing that badly, and that is perfectly okay, the key is to admit that, to admit the truth is to free yourself of the burden of lying to yourself.

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Guilt Tripping Part 2

We have gone over guilt tripping and what it is and how it works, and how to solve it but that wasn't everything. It is important we explore every aspect of guilt tripping because it occurs so frequently.

When we are being guilt tripped sometimes we allow it occur simply because we wanted to be liked or we don't want to disappoint the other person or in other cases we think it is the right thing to do, but what does all this really say about us? What does us scumming to the guilt trip say about us and our own self-worth? Let's say your assumption is right, if you don't go along with the other person they won't like you, or they will be disappointed, that says a lot more about them than it does about you. They wish for you to follow their selfish desires, whereas they are asking you to forgo your desires and your wishes for whatever they want. Does that sound like they care about you? Does that sound like they want the best for you? The best course possible solution is them leaving your life(not always, but sometimes), but you would disagree. Now let's name an imaginary friend Sarah, you always see Sarah getting guilt tripped by her friend Ben after awhile what would you say to Sarah? Wouldn't you tell her not to put up with being used? Wouldn't you point out everything previously stated? Yet none of this applies to you? This goes back to caring for yourself as if you were a baby, you treat yourself like you are above the world, that these things are beneath you. You won't fall for guilt tripping, you can say no, you are a good person. How does being another's foot stool make you a good person?

Here we come across the idea of a good person, agreeing with another doesn't make you a good person, following along when you don't want to do something doesn't make you a good person. Doing what is right makes you a good person, and yes sometimes that involves doing what you don't want to do, but those are the reasons why you may be a good person. You aren't a good person if you don't take care of yourself, because then you project (gosh I hate that word) your pains onto others, you stop yourself from truly being able to help anyone because you are half assing everything.

Become stronger, work on building up the ability to say no, to not be guilt tripped and to continue on your path. This choice, will either make your relationship with this other person stronger, or make it shatter as glass does when reaching absolute zero.

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Guilt Tripping

The greatest art form that can lead a gentle soul astray is when another attempts to guilt trip them. Guilt tripping is when you play at another persons emotions, to make them feel bad, in order to get them to do what you want, now you might think nobody would do that on purpose and some degree you are right. Most people who guilt trip others have perfected the art form and don't have the awareness to know that they are doing it to another, they simply do it whenever they are not getting their way. It is simply a reaction of their subconscious, does this dissolve them of any blame? Not at all, but it does force you to take responsibility for their actions, not in a bad way but a good way. The belief that simply saying no, and believing you have the will power to stick with that initial no is enough but it isn't close to enough. A person who is attempting to guilt trip won't take a simple no for an answer (this is also where the idea of you caving in makes you weak, makes you vulnerable to others.).

What can you do? Now you can confront them about their actions, but what if they are unaware of them? The first thing you should do once you have said no and have decided to not give into their demands is remove yourself from the situation because your will is weaker than you want to believe it is (sorry to break the news). The second you remove yourself from the situation they can no longer guilt trip you into doing what they want you to do. This is of course like anything else is easier said than done, but it most be done in order to grow stronger. Once you have grown comfortable with saying no and refusing to be guilt tripped, then it might be a good idea to confront the person about it. Creating this will, the ability to say no and to walk is crucial for any endeavor or relationship, otherwise you can get taken advantage of.

This balance of saying no/walking away and being kind is a very hard balance to strike, to jump to the opposite of what you are is foolish because then you become what you really did not want to become. Now there is something marvelous about being foolish, fools can live and die freely thus allowing them to learn and find the balance a lot quicker. This is the double edged sword of course, like most great and foolish things.

It is reasonable for you to feel like if you don't cave, if you do walk away or do anything to go against the person guilt tripping you, that you will lose them. If this person can't respect you saying no and walking away, do you really have a relationship (this includes friendships as well as every other type of relationship)? Doesn't that make what you have with this other person a prison? One where you aren't respected, nor treated with any kind of kindness or care? Why would you put yourself through that; allowing yourself to be guilt tripped over and over again, not noticing or simply ignoring the fact that it is happening. The best excuse is 'I could have said no if I really wanted to' - nah bitch you couldn't. This is a form of self abuse, one where you don't value yourself at all.

Become stronger, work on building up the ability to say no, to not be guilt tripped and to continue on your path. This choice, will either make your relationship with this other person stronger, or make it shatter as glass does when reaching absolute zero.

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It's Easy

It is easy to talk about doing something, it is easy to plan to do something and it is even easy to write about doing something, but the scarriest one of all is, it is easy to know what to do, yet not do it. It is easy to know to eat healthy, another thing to actually be able to do it. That is the thing that we as people seem to forget. We forget that just because we know something does not mean we follow through with that knowledge, so when someone says something to you that you already 'know', it isn't a bad thing, if anything it is a reminder that you may know the thing but you do not have it engrained in your life. We seem to know a lot of things, and a lot of things are easy, take for example meditation, it is the easiest thing in the universe, all you have to do is sit and just watch your thoughts, how simple? Yet most of us don't have a daily meditation practice, we can't even sit for longer than 25 minutes, but the task is easy. Or how about going through a digital course that you paid for, it is easy in the sense you just have to take out 1 or 2 hours of your day to sit and listen to the video, maybe take some notes yet we avoid it. Easy, right?

That is the thing easy things are never easy, they are typically very difficult things to get a hold of, this could be because we assume they are easy and thus do not dedicate time and energy to them. We simply assume we will do them, because we made them out to be easy. Consider the previous post, "Training", showing up is easy yet we fail to do it, why? isn't that the question we are left with, if these things which are easy why can't we do them consistently?

This brings up the idea of mental toughness and mental resilience, Andy Frisella has an incredible podcast episode on it and how to increase mental toughness and mental resilience. This is where most of us lack, we lack the mental fortitude to keep going, to tackle the easy tasks and the hard tasks because we said we would do it. We are soft, and allow ourselves to live a poor life because we never built up discipline, we didn't build up mental fortitude, Jocko Wilink has a great book on that called "Discipline Equals Freedom: Field Manual" where he talks about the thinking beyond mental toughness and why it is important then goes into the actions that one can take to build up discipline. Read those or listen to those to get a better idea of mental toughness and how to build it, or continue reading.

Let's break this down into micro processes that we can follow to improve ourselves and accomplish the things we consider 'easy', the first thing would be pick one habit or one thing that you think is easy and make a promise to yourself to keep doing that everyday. It could be as simple as making your bed, but the key is to pick something small and easily manageable because then you are building trust within yourself, you are making yourself a person of their word. If you fail to keep the promise, simply restart until you are keeping that little promise to yourself everyday, then build on that, pick something that is a little harder and keep a promise to yourself about that. Build the habit of trust with yourself, and thus you will be building discipline as well. This would be the simplist manner to go about these things, though a great amount of patience is required.

Now if you are the average person, you want to tackle something big and massive not in a year but today, not today but now. This simply is the root of failure, you don't give a baby a chief's knife, so why would you give yourself a blowtorch? We must treat ourselves as if we are babies and slowly ease ourselves into greatness, not plunge ourselves out of our element (as I write this, I feel my mentality saying 'yes, but I'm different, I can do it. No fool, you can not. The past has proven that time and time again.) as that would lead us to failure and then to giving up.

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It is all just training, everything, ranging from drinking alcohol to working out and of course to writing - it is all something that is building up or perhaps it is fading away, all depends on what your actions are doing. Now let us focus on the positive attributes of the idea of everything is training. The thing we forget when trying to achieve something (doesn't matter what it is ) is that all we need to do is show up, show up every single time, it could be 3 times a week to go to the gym, or it could be meditating everyday. The key is to simply show up and do your best, now another key aspect is that doing your best varies from day to day, from moment to moment, some days your best will be beyond belief, other days your best will be simply going through the motions, perhaps because your heart hurts, or your body feels completely wrecked. Simply showing up and trying the best you can for that day is what matters, this doesn't exonerate one from not trying to push up and against resistance but it does allow you to not hate yourself when you fail to achieve the results of the previous day.

Showing up to work on your craft, anything can be your craft, is the most important thing, working on it daily or on a schedule is so important and it is so easily overlooked or it is ignored or simply avoided because guess what - IT IS FUCKEN HARD. Simply showing up is hard work, it is easy in concept, but is the hardest part of doing anything. Showing up is where greatness starts, where it arises. Alas there is no shortcut, no secret to becoming better. It comes down to training, over and over again, similar to the manner in a which a river carved out the grand canyon, the repitiation of the right action becomes engraved into your spirit and into your bones. That all begins with showing up.

This. This writing that is written, is all about showing up, perhaps an idea has occurred, perhaps nothing is within the mind, but just showing up and writing for 20 minutes is all that is needed. Now there hasn't been a post within the last two weeks, why? Simple, the resistance kept building up, and the avoidance kept growing and the avoiding increased the amount of resistance that exists, and thus it becomes a positive feedback loop, one in which you can be fully aware is occurring and still have it keep happening. The second you show up, it begins anew, the resistance recedes a little bit and you have the chance to breathe, now continue to show up and you'll have a beautiful beach as the resistance disappears.

The resistance will be back the second you stop showing up, it'll begin to build extremely aggressively because you gave it space to expand, you had it pushed back so far, now it'll want all that area back. Show up. Train.

Show up. Train. Work on your craft.

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The Erosion Of Time

Everything fades with time, from memories to skills to pain, it all fades away as time passes. This leads to us getting worse at things over time if we do not use those things. Things meaning skills, talents, memories and habits. Time corrodes and erodes everything that is not in use, but it also sharpens everything in use; this includes positive and negative things. This is erosion is only noticed when we attempt to return to a task that we were previously a master in, we find ourselves fumbling and struggling a bit, but the key word is erodes meaning to get back to that sharpened state takes less time than the first time you were sharpened. So the real question is to consider how can we keep the skills and habits we want sharp.

Consistency. The act of doing something starts to sharpen it, and consistency in doing the 'thing' keeps it sharp as well as continuing to sharpen it. Consistency is a hard thing to be consistent at (hahahhaa ;)) but it is the only thing that protects against the aging of time. Imagine a saddle that is simply sitting in a garage, not cared for but not used either, it becomes dry and brittle forming cracks along its surface because it has dried out, now perhaps that is a far fetched example, what about a knife? A knife that is used is being used does get dulled, but it is also being sharpened because it must be sharpened, where as a knife that is laying around will get dull as time goes on, never being sharpened or taken care of because it is tossed aside. The rule of consistency in action applies to writing as well, even a few days of not writing dulls a novice's ability, where as a master writer can go weeks or months without writing (Fun fact, they would never do such a thing because they became sharpened by writing all the time, and want to remain as sharp as possible) and still be sharp.

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Tools Of The Trade

The tools of your trade, of your craft make a world of difference but how much thought has been placed in the tools you are using? Did you simply pick the cheapest option because that is all you could afford when you started your craft? Or did you simply pick at random thinking nothing of the various options available for each single tool in your toolkit? Now most consider the tools they use nothing more than objects, but the tools of ones craft define the craft itself. They impact the quality of the tasks done, but more importantly they impact the quality of your life.

Consider using a dull knife, it never cuts properly and most likely will lead to you cutting yourself, whereas when you have a quality chef's knife it will slice through things like butter thus allowing you not to fight with the food you are trying to slice - though with a quality knife you must take care of it in a manner that will retain it's quality. Now if you are a programmer, you may think 'ah I have an extremely powerful computer, I have the best tools', but what about the keyboard you are using? What about the mouse? More importantly what about the chair, the one you are sitting in for hours? All these things impact the quality of your life, and comfort while completing a task.

The tools of the trade make the trade, looking into the best tools for your craft is the only way you can improve your performance and life; when beginning one must start with the worst tools, or the tools that aren't ideal, but as one progresses in their craft(A craft being anything one does, from a hobby to a profession) they should be upgrading their tools to meet their needs and improve their quality of life while doing the task at hand.

These are simple measures, but they make a world of difference.

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The Right Choice

We debate over choices all the time, trying to ensure that we do not make the 'wrong' choice, but when it comes to the hard decisions, the ones that impact our lives the most, we have a gut feeling of what we want to do. This gut feeling doesn't mean it is more right or wrong than the other choices, but it is typically the choice that we are most wanting and that means that is the direction one needs to head in. Now just because you are aware of what choice you want or what the right decision is, does not mean that you will go with that decision. Their is a tug of war inside of most, where two choices are pulling at one another, even when we want one choice to win we still put some money on the other choice as well. We don't want to be wrong, and we are afraid of forging our own path, a path where we can not blame another.

Choices are rarely as complicated as we tend to make them, but if we allow ourselves to see that the choices are simple we would feel foolish not to make that choice. We would feel childish. When do we make the choice we 'know' is the right choice?

The simple answer is we don't until it is time, until something clicks inside of us that makes us think 'ah yes', and typically it turns into a spur of the moment type of decision or action. All that thinking, and all that switching back and forth from choice to choice disappears, and you just pick one. Something clicked, and the reason why it may have clicked is possibly beyond understanding, but something clicked and then action was taken - perhaps you have begun to create a story to justify the actions you took, the reason why you decided what you did. Though the answer is simple, the resistance gave way, something clicked and you went with it - for better or for worse.

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Words & The Spells They Cast

Some say that magic doesn't exist in this world anymore, but if you pay listen really closely you can hear the magic in the air, in the texts, it's everywhere once you begin to pay attention to it. The magic that exists now, exists in the words that people use, in the words you use, that is where the spells are being cast. The definition of a spell is "a form of words used as a magical charm or incantation."Now when we speak words into existence we are forming a magical incantation because something is occurring because of the words we used, this something can be good or bad.

The words we use and the words we hear greatly impact the way we view the world and the way we view ourselves. Think about the words you tell yourself, or the words you tell others - how many lies do you tell? How many complaints do you have? What words do you use when you make a mistake? What words do you use when another makes a mistake? All these words that are thought or that are said are spells being put out into the world. Now think about magic, think about how it can cause such drastic effects in someone; the same thing is happening when you say words in this world, shooting off spells without thinking about the consequences of the words you are saying. Reckless.

If we flip all the negative words, or the harshness of them we won't be releasing spells of darkness at others or ourselves. This will greatly impact ones quality of life because their isn't a self made shadow hanging over every thought and every action, instead it will be more harmonize.

Be careful of the wizard you are becoming.

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The Growth Of Compassion

The world speaks about growing compassion to better understand others and to live a better life, yet it is never discussed on how to become more compassionate, though it is simple - one just does it, but we as people like to intellectualize everything to the point of losing ourselves in it. So let us assume it is pointless to think about compassion in a "smart" manner; it would be better to try to figure out how to cultivate it in our daily life, without trying to dilute it into something more than it is. Or better yet let's figure out what compassion is, primarily because it is important to know what it is before figuring out how to grow it in our lives. (If you are paying attention, we are currently intellectualizing it right now. Isn't that what we were trying to avoid?)

Compassion by Google's definition "sympathetic pity and concern for the sufferings or misfortunes of others" we can also apply this to ourselves as well. So if we are compassionate to ourselves and the world wouldn't we become less angry, less frustrated, and simply experience less negative emotions - because instead of being self serving or just viewing things as unidiminsional, we begin to see the pains and suffering of others and can empathize with them (not pity). This seems like a good thing right? So let's assume we wish to cultivate it within our daily lives, toward ourselves when we make mistakes, or fall pray to our vices, as well as towards others.

Hahaha doesn't that seem logical - something that would help us in our lives?

Cultivating compassion, such a wild concept to cultivate. Is it more of a mental thing ie something that one needs to think about in order to cultivate or is it more of a 'eh it just happens'? So where does it begin, let's pull this apart into two different paths, one taking the mental thinking approach, and the other a more laxed and chill approach to put it simply.

1. Someone cuts us off in traffic, we can go through the mental process of realizing 'ah, look at that judgement, I wonder what that person is trying to rush to? Maybe they had a really bad day.' Then beginning to contemplate how you would feel in that position, to think about if you are the person doing the cutting off and why you would do that. This is a more intellectual way of going about it.

2. Simply living life, and thinking about compassion and everything it means to be compassionate then allowing your 'sleeping mind' to connect the dots behind the scenes. This method is different, because it involves letting go of the attachment of the result we seek which is to be more compassionate.

Now this makes things interesting, because their are two different approaches in front of us, both have their merits, now each path isn't wrong but their is one we are comfortable with. So isn't the answer simple? Or perhaps it is more complicated than what will be stated. Both. The answer is both. Now that could be a cough out but it honestly isn't. Consider this it begins as something intellectualized because we don't know how to do anything beyond that, we don't understand how to break through the thinking towards a more fluid path. So beginning in thinking isn't bad, but staying within it is - because now you are going against the grain of the world. One must progress beyond thinking into simply being, and that takes time and effort to move into. So being able to let go is an important feat that many lack, not because they can not do it, but because they value their minds too much (hahahaha because of the belief that we are our thoughts). This does bring up the idea of spells, alas for another day.

Note: When I wrote this post, and when I try to write any post, it is going through my entire process of thinking, to get to the conclusion. You are seeing my decisions as I am thinking, and coming up with my conclusions. This is important to note because I think it makes the post more useful in terms of understanding how things ended up the way they did.

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Getting In Your Own Way

Imagine a world where we didn't get in our own way when doing anything, imagine if we took care of ourselves like we take care of others or better yet the way we take care of beloved pets. Imagine if we forgave ourselves like we did pets, when they make a mistake - knowing full well they didn't know any better, but couldn't the same be said for us? We are our own greatest vice, we stop ourselves from growing beyond the current norm we are holding onto, yet we know it isn't good for us. We continuously get in our own way, and then wonder how we ended up in the spot that we are in. Hahaha isn't that the thing? We shoot ourselves in the foot before we even get started in the endeavors we are wanting to pursue, yet if another shot us in the foot we would be outraged.

This whole getting in your own way is something can be the underpinning of your entire life, and if it isn't examined and dealt with how can you go beyond it and truly reach the places where you want to go? The simple answer is you can't. Let's say you gained the awareness that you are shooting yourself in the foot before you start, how do you stop it? While it all begins with the smallest of actions, like all good things, you must stop shooting yourself in the foot over the little things. Do you want to get 'healthy' yet continuously self-sabotage? Then simply acknowledge 'ah I just ate chocolate cake', and restart immediately. This will keep what little momentum you have left, working for you instead of against you. Another thing is wait 10 minutes to do what you want to do - want to play video games? Wait 10 minutes and continue to work on what you were doing, then if that urge continues past 10 minutes then give yourself permission (this idea came from Nir check him out at This gives your brain time to letgo of the urge you are feeling, without solely relying on willpower. Setup a 10 minute timer on your phone, and continue to work at the end of the timer if you still feel the urge to play videogames, or eat that cake then go ahead but in Nir's book "Indistractable" he mentions how the urge typically disappears within the first 2 to 3 minutes.

It takes patience and practice to stop getting in your own way, and that is something that needs to be worked at. It can be worked on simple day to day things and doesn't have to be worked on a massive habit or task.

It all begins now.

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Silence is one of the most terrifying things in the world because the existence of self must be faced, because when their is only silence you can not hide from yourself behind the noise of the world and the distractions that arise from that. We must face ourselves in silence, or perhaps we will choose to sink into the thoughts that occurring - sinking into the daydreams that we mention we dislike yet we allow to run wild without any attempt to diminish them or to let them go. Is that silence though? Or is that still sitting in noise? Silence would be something where distractions are not running rampant - it is where one goes to face themselves; the calm within the storm.

When we do anything, or when we do "nothing" we have the tendency to always be listening to something, to always be absorbing some sound or a thought to get away from the internal noise that we dislike - as it was put a long time ago, to get away from the demons inside. This action of running away from the silence, from running away from yourself, is such a futile one, leading to massive insecurity and avoidance, which leaks into all facets of ones life. That is the issue from running away from silence. Does this mean you can not enjoy music, or a podcast? Not at all, but it does mean you should be mindful about the actions you are partaking in. Was it a decision to listen to music? Or a habit? Was it a decision to listen to something? Or a habit.

Know thy vices.

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Accountability & Checklists

Checklists enforce order, they enforce the idea of this needs to get done, not simply done but done in this order. Whereas schedules can be daunting in the manner where time simply evaporates, checklists state these things must get done in this particular order. It forces accountability not because another is holding you accountable but you are holding yourself accountable. Creating the checklist is the easy part, then keeping it within eyesight at all times during the time period it is needed in is the hard part. When the checklist is within eyesight, it is constantly nagging at the mind, that this needs to be completed. It assists in building willpower which is extremely limited and it helps breakdown resistance which plagues the world.

Now the question becomes what is a checklist? A checklist is simply a reinforced routine, it is a reminder of a routine - now most people make the assumption that they can remember all their good habits they are trying to cultivate and remember their entire routine, but why dedicate resources to remembering? Why put yourself at a disadvantage before you even start? This brings upon the topic of getting in your own way, alas that is for another day.

The question becomes do you want to actually help yourself, or do you simply want to trick yourself into believing you want to help yourself and the world is simply conspiring against you.

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The Building Up Of Resistance

Whenever we wish to do something we begin by facing resistance, this invisible force is something that morphs and changes all the time to deceive us in our day to day activities. We all want to do new things, we want to work hard, and we want to be able to walk up to that hot guy or hot chick and get their number, yet we don't do these things, yet we stand by and simply watch the world go by - we forget the things that drive us and push us, and simply enter mundane life. This resistance is what stops us from achieving what we want, it creeps into the most protected corners of our minds, and infiltrates our souls.

Now let's truly breakdown this idea of resistance, how it occurs, how it grows and if it can be defeated. Resistance occurs when we want to do any task, sometimes it isn't noticed because we truly want to do that task and are excited to do it, other times it is very noticeable and this depends on the way we perceive the task. Consider the gym, if you have never been to the gym or are physically weak or fat you feel this energy come up when you think about going to the gym. It starts by talking with you, by duping you into believing it is making valid points, and then continues to deceive you into not doing the task/action because if you were to do it, it'd be good for you, but that fear that arises stops you - that is resistance. Something we don't realize is resistance never truly goes away (while for 99% of people it never does) it simply fades into the background when you have continuously tackled and overcome it, but once you start allowing it to dictate your actions and stop you from doing something, it begins to build, growing exponentially and unexpectedly, until one day you go back to the task and you feel this anxiety, this overwhelming anxiety towards the task, a task you have done before and did so with ease. This is all due to us allowing resistance to win, and to build on that momentum, it occurs so easily that we never think anything of it when it is small but once it starts picking up momentum it becomes nearly impossible to stop. The keyword being nearly.

Now what should one do when the resistance that was built up by their mind is overwhelming and causing an intense amount of anxiety? Begin anew, begin at doing the smallest thing possible. This beginning can start anywhere but the key is to start, let's take our gym analogy again: perhaps it is signing up for a membership, then just going to the gym for 5 minutes everyday, and "simply" walking on the treadmill, or perhaps you have very little resistance to the gym, but have a ton of resistance to reading (hahahahahaha you are technically reading this, so... that is hilarious). Now with reading you can start be reading a page a day, or an article a day on a topic that interests you. The key is to chip away at the giant amount of resistance so that you can conquer it SLOWLY. Everything you want begins by starting, by doing, to conquer resistance you must do.

*This topic comes from the book The War Of Art by Steven Pressfield not to confused by the The Art Of War by Sun Tzu.

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Skipping A Day

We all have the thought that today has been a long day, let's work on this tomorrow. Or better yet I don't have to do this one thing today ie writing, or working out. So we skip that day, with the intention to begin again the next day. We simply needed a break, but a break is different than not trying, what we chose to do with that, oh I'll skip today and continue tomorrow is we chose not to try. Whenever we have the chose not to try and we pick that we destroy the progress we have made and have to begin again.

That is the problem with "oh I'll start tomorrow" or "oh I'll skip today, I don't have the time", both of those statements lead to laziness which leads to not doing it tomorrow. The resistance of doing an action increases exponentially as time goes on. So this idea of skipping a day, or starting tomrrow is a foolish one. It begins with good intentions but does everything. Hitler probably started out with good intentions (how else would he have been elected), but as we all know his actions and perhas his intentions were far from good. Now the comparrison to Hitler and skipping a day of writing or a day of working out is a stretch but the point that is meant to get across is the same.

We all plan to start right back up on the thing we skipped the next day, and perhaps we have the will power to do that, but that next day is half-assed in effort, then the day after even more so, then it simply fades away. Of course you will hit a realization that you should start again, then another week or month or year goes by, and then the realization hits again.. Now perhaps you start again, all that progress is gone or greatly diminished. Now a lesson has been learned, that skipping a day or saying you don't have enough time leads to grave consequences.

Most of us see the cross-roads in which we must choose our action, where we can decide to give ourselves an excuse or we push onwards to continue our ascent to something more than nothing.

Pick wisely.

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Whenever we as people enter a state of repair, where we have noticed how our lives are falling apart and go to fix them we tend to attempt to fix everything all at once. We want to get better as soon as possible, so we focus on everything we see jumping from thing to thing all at once. This attempt is a noble one, yet extremely foolish.

Most people struggle to focus on one task for more than 25 minutes, yet they all attempt to conquer their entire lives in an instant, once again noble yet foolish. Pick one area, pick one area of your life that you are unhappy with, that you want to repair - stick with that one area until you have a solid grasp on it. This allows you to truly capture the good habits that will help you in that area of life, and not lose them the second you switch to a different area of your life. Build upon one good thing, expanding outwards - this alone will help you.

Let's say your area is health, now let's pick a habit: Exercise, okay now what? Let's see how we can keep consistency with that habit: Going on a 45 minute walk everyday. Okay, how long should you do that for before adding something else? Depends, consider you at your weakest state, that is how long you should do it for before adding more to it. Let us assume it's been 30 days, you have been going on a walk for 45 minutes a day, and loving it. Now let's add more to that, you are wanting to start intermitting fasting, then add that ON TOP OF going for a walk for 45 minutes a day. Then give this new habit some time to set in. Then pick the next thing, perhaps it is in a different area of your life, that is fine, but the focus here is taking one thing at a time and really building something solid out of it, before running to the next thing.

This is a habit in itself. We want the world, but lack the patience to conquer one little thing at a time, it all adds up - the good, the bad and the ugly.

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An Unexpected Consequence Of Greatness

When in the pursuit of true greatness in any form, you must go beyond the shallow end of the ocean and into the depths beyond where any normal being would go. That is the truest pursuit of greatness, not for stature, not for money, but to understand at the highest level to push beyond what the world currently understands. These pursuits are pursuits of madmen, insane to the eyes of all mortals, yet completely sensible to those that pursue them. Typically during this pursuit of greatness, and knowledge they land upon something that they themselves were unaware or would not like to admit to, which the concept of enlightenment.

Enlightenment may be the wrong word, and spirituality is definitely the wrong word, but they come to this understanding of reality of what the "meaning" of life is. This is typically achieved through meditation, at least that is where it is most recorded - though the question becomes, what is meditation? Meditation is simply intense focus on existence, or on the task at hand during a time interval. So what happens during a pursuit of greatness? It is an intense focus on the task at hand, and the realizations that occur due to an increase in awareness and due to the intense focus are the same from blacksmithing, to meditation and to music. It is this pursuit of greatness that leads to realizations that are inline with what the buddhist consider enlightenment.

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Your working on a project and you are hating what is coming out - cool - restart! You are working out, and halfway through you realize you haven't really been working out - cool - restart! You are doing your degree and you realize this isn't what you want to do - cool - restart! You are reading a book and notice that you don't particularly enjoy this book, nor is it helpful - RESTART.

We are in a culture at least in the west, where restarting or beginning anew is "wrong", where we should persevere and continue onwards, but is that the right call? Why can't we choose to change direction halfway through something? Why can't we just pick up a different book, when we notice that the current book is horrible. This is especially the case when we have put in a ton of hours and realize we hate what has turned up due to all those hours, yet we keep going - to what purpose, to what end?

Sometimes it better to start with a clean slate, start a fresh, hit a reset button and begin anew, and sometimes it's simply a little nudge in a different direction that leads us to spectacular results. The thing with restarting, is that it isn't set in stone, it is an ideology of "hey, we aren't entrenched in this spot", that we are similar to the mongols, where we can manuever ourselves, that we aren't in a rut. This isn't permission to runaway from something we find difficult, but it is permission to move away or to redirect ourselves when something isn't working.


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The Act

We write, we read but to what end? What is the purpose of reading and writing? Now a simple answer arises from that question which is: to clarify your own thinking and intergrate new ideas and concepts into previous ideologies that are held (at least for the most part). When most of read or write we consume and create, and yes at times we clarify, but we do not take the time to intergrate this new information into ourselves. We do not take the time to truly LEARN from anything. We are far too passive to actually do anything with the information we gather.

We know what to do, yet we fail to do it, what is worse is most of the time we don't even attempt to do it, and this leaves us feeling helpless and sometimes hopeless as well. Now we go back to the books, to the writing and we continue that cycle, of taking in more information and 'knowing more', yet doing less. So we keep going in a circle, the thing is we don't need to know MORE, we need to know less and do more. We already have a general idea of where to point our selves and where to go, but we don't go. We sit, we contemplate, we read, or we listen to a podcast, or listen to an audiobook - these are the all the same.

A constant stream of absorption, yet no movement. To what end? To what end will we continue to act like we are doing - when in reality we aren't doing we are simply absorbing information like a sponge. All of it going to waste, because we already know what to do. We already know where to point to move forward, yet here we sit.

Reading some more, talking some more, doing less and fading away to the black of this screen.

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It Begins At Once - Practice

It all happens at once or not at all. Consider the synapses within our brains - action potential - it is all or nothing reaction. It either sends a signal, or it doesn't. Now consider yourself, consider all the things you do - you either do them or you do not. There is no sort of doing, where you are half doing and half not doing - half doing is considered doing. This is essential to understanding how we function, and our expectations of ourselves.

When you plan to do a thing, or when you think of doing a thing, you begin to build worry and doubt as the world scratches away at your resolve - but then their comes a point where action is either taken or not, you hit that do or die moment, and the dice shall be cast. This is the moment where you either start or you do not. There is no thinking, their is only doing and not doing.

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Intensity of action leads to new found ideas, new ways of thinking and creativity. Intensity can come from the depths of a steaming kitchen during rush or from exercising (running/lifting/). This intensity actives something within that pushes us beyond what we believe we are capable of, because we have to - there is no sorry I can't do this intensity, I need a break. It is do or die.

After and sometimes during intensity we hit upon realizations that we could not make no matter how much information we gulped down, because we are no longer trying to actively control our thoughts, we are no longer trying to force a realization to occur or creativity to occur; we are simply too tired to think. This lack of "thinking" leads to the mind just wandering and creating connections to the various ideas and pieces of information we already hold. Nothing new is being consumed, all that is occurring is new synapses forming from old ones.

They say exercise improves the ability to think and memorization information, but that is a byproduct of new ideas forming from old pieces that may have long been forgotten.

So live with intensity, live with a vigor.


Note: You don't have to be intense all the time, but have some intensity every once and awhile. Otherwise you'll grow stale.

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Patterns Within Yourself

We all have patterns, sometimes they are called habits other times they are simply ignored and aren't called anything, but all the same they continue to unfold and shape our lives. The question becomes what are we aware of? What are we noticing? and how are we changing in accordance to what we are noticing?

Let's take an example such as blacksmithing and beekeeping, and how they are connected, the patterns from one will show up in the other, and not in anyway you think they will. They show up through you, through you the patterns arise between different things. Now these patterns, may be positive ie you focus on the details and doing things correctly whilst also experimenting with different ways of doing things methodically, or they may be negative such as self-sabotaging when you start getting successful - these patterns will follow you throughout life until you confront them.

That is the key point, it's the fact that how you do anything is how you do everything; cleaning dishes to picking up trash that you see in your neighborhood, from writing something neatly to messing up a contract. All these things are interconnected through you, and when you fail to deal with your patterns and habits, you will continue to experience those habits/patterns until death due you part (and who knows, maybe death can't even save you from your patterns).

Take a moment and think, think about if your patterns that you have noticed from previous experiences are arising in the current experience. If they are, what are you going to do about them? Sit around and be a bitch, or face them and take care of them and tease them apart.

Sometimes you do need to sit around and be a bitch, but one day you will need to face what you have been avoiding, it is best to do those things on your terms and not the universes terms - because the universe will fuck you, due to your avoidance and willful ignorance.

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Being In The Mind

Being in your mind is where amazing ideas come from and it is a beautiful thing even if those ideas are poisonous to you or others. The beauty of thinking and the clarity one can achieve while being in the mind is something that is astounding, but, and there is always a but - so if you see something too good to believe, look for the but, it's there - it is also something that can spin the greatest of all webs, a trap that is unescapable.

Their is a meditation term, called the "here and now" so when someone asks another where are you? They would respond "oh I'm here", this is different than the typical response of "oh I'm at home(insert any other physical place that we as humans have created)". To be able to be in the here and now is something that is not achieved by being in the mind, it is achieved easily when playing sports, or doing a dangerous activity or being completely absorbed into some piece of work (such as writing this hahahaha), because we forget of the existence of the world, of noise, of people, of OURSELVES.

Being in the mind, is wonderful you can create amazing things, both positive and negative, but when you are simply in the here and now there is only being. It isn't positive and it definitely isn't negative. That is what we want. To live. To breathe, with none of the pressure we have created for ourselves.

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How is greatness crafted?

How does one achieve the almighty level of successful? Does it begin at childhood, or the right genes? Or it is something more subtle, like a kick in the ass? These are all just assumptions, and stipulations - it doesn't matter which one is correct, or has influence. What matters is how can we do it, how can you do it.

It begins with picking a target, what do you want to be great at? What craft do you want to cultivate? For the sake of this piece let's pickw money as that is roughly a universal thing. Money has a bunch of subcategories, we must begin by picking one, let's pick App Development

Next step is figuring out the fundamentals needed, where does it all begin. now this part isn't where you need to know all the details. This is the part where you are simply trying to have a general understanding of how things work. For App Development, this can be done with an hour a day for a week, maybe two weeks. Now if you really wish to push it spare two hours a day on your new craft and have an understanding of the basics. Once you have an understanding of the basics and have built a base. You must begin.

You begin by trying. Now apply the principals you have learned. Does this involve some risk yes? Spare an hour or two a day for a week maybe two. Create something it doesn't need to perfect, it needs to function. Learn from the mistakes.

Let's say your feeling pretty confident with your skills, then start charging people, start putting yourself out there. Aim to land one single client, prove that it can work, that you can work. Does this mean you'll get the first client you attempt for? No. Does it mean it'll be your 100th attempt that you will land? Perhaps. Who knows, that is the point. It is building a skillset. Now if you aren't confident then it is simple, offer your services for free and get some real experience. "I'm scared", then keep practicing, but realize you are wasting your time because you can learn more as you go, as you encounter problems.

The key is consistency, and to continuously push past what you feel comfortable with. So that way you can expand into greatness. It begins with starting.

If you hate what you are learning then restart with something else. Realize starting does not mean commitment. Once you find something that works for you, stick with it for 6 months. Then decide on your next move.

Simple in principal, but much harder to accomplish. Think of it as consistency >> everything.

Personally I got lost in this post, thinking of so many different things.

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How To Be "Successful"

Easy. Work at one thing that can make you money for an hour a day. Master a topic.

Done. That is it. Yet you will fail at doing that, yet you will say "oh I don't have the time. I can't do it, or it is impossible."

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Angry Anger

What the fuck is anger? What is it's purpose? Is it trying to force a decision? Is it trying to create something out of nothing? Anger sometimes arises out of nothing, perhaps something someone said off handedly or maybe a deep seeded resentment that was never dealt with. Though none of that provides a concrete answer to what anger is.

Anger...what could it be? What is it doing? Ah, it doesn't matter what anger is. It is showing what needs to be shown - meaning it is pointing in a direction which has been avoided. Now this may be hidden amongst the various and most likely numerous lies. Picking them apart and slowly getting to the heart of the issue, where did this anger come from? Where is it pointing, is what that anger is there for. To teach. To instruct.

So what is anger? It is a compass and you are the map.

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The thing most people want is to be acknowledged, from the shores of Hội An to the high rises of New York, we all want to be acknowledged. No one wants to be invisible - now at times we want to APPEAR invisible but we do not wish to BE invisible, or perhaps we do; yet if it were to occur we would want to change and avert back to being visible, to being acknowledged.

Consider yourself, if you wish to be acknowledged whether by an ant or your parents or perhaps by your significant other wouldn't it be understandable that others you see on the streets also want to be acknowledged?

What is the point of knowing that others wish to be acknowledged? How can that help you in your life? Simple. When traveling acknowledge the people you see on the streets, with a simple head nod, or when you are walking around your neighborhood after being cooped up inside wave to your neighbors, or give them a simple head nod. A simple action such as those can do wonders for a persons mood, when they are having a bad day.

The instinct of a humanbeing is to be joyful when seeing another and this may trigger them to forget what was truly upsetting them and ruining their day. Doing this simple action of acknowledging anothers existence will do wonders for society.

Or perhaps it'll simply do wonders for you.

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Emotions vs Logic

Emotion can make for a dangerously great power, it can lead us to accomplish feats that we never thought we could accomplish, it can also lead us to places we never knew existed, but what is emotion. Emotion is a fickle thing, it has more control over us than we would like to believe, and it is all merrily a thought that causes bodily sensations; yet it rules us. Sometimes it arises like the wind, without cause and is gone just the same, sometimes it's a smoldering volcano preparing to blow. Either way we as people believe we are in control of emotions or more accurately that we are above emotions.

That we have logic on ourside, there is no need for all those stifling emotions such as fear, anger, frustration, happiness or love.

When we look at those who are 'logical' we see that they are ruled by emotions just like everyone else, they attempt to push those emotions aside and try to do what is logical, but that logic that they hold so dear is tainted with the blood of emotion. We look at the facts but those facts are overruled when emotion comes into play because emotions kept us safe, are you feeling fear? Perhaps this isn't the safest place to be; be on guard.

Emotions themselves are not bad, emotions that override facts are dangerous ones, or when the emotion rages so high facts aren't even considered. Logic > Emotions or Emotion > Logic, which is more accurate? Or perhaps it is in a state of flux, in which emotions must override logic in order to achieve something that one thought impossible, or perhaps logic must override emotion to stop yourself from screaming in someones face. Now that person could be a loved one, who would rather you scream in there face and express what you are truly feeling than to bottle it up and speak in a devoid yet logical way, which is strained by the emotions that fringe and eat away at the logic. The logic that was stopping you from chasing the impossible, might be protecting you from yourself. Who can say what is the right path to follow?

Perhaps knowing when emotions are ruling your words, your emotions and when logic is ruling your words and your actions is simply enough to exist without losing your shit. Perhaps these are simply the spewings of a crazy person.


(This originally was meant to be a different type of post, one about where emotions rule the masses, but it turned into something completely different. Such is the way the world unfolds.)

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Where To Begin?

When do we begin, better yet where do we begin? It doesn't matter the project, we all fear beginning, always unsure if it is the right decision or if it is the decision that will end up destroying our future. Now isn't that a foolish thought? We can barely predict what will happen in the next second, yet we try to predict the future in the next year, or even next week. So how can we fear the future? It is completely unknown to us, so what we really fear is the unknown (Now this is a topic for another time).

TT has a beautiful phrase "just start", meaning it doesn't amtter what is, all that matters is you simply start. Starting doesn't signify any commitments, it doesn't mean you have to stick it out all it means is "hey, I'm try this thing, just for right now". Consider these thought exercises, they began because of the idea of just starting. They were never intended for the internet, but here they are.

So back to the question at hand, where to begin? Anywhere. It doesn't matter, when or where, it doesn't matter if you begin at the "wrong" place because apart of doing anything, is figuring out where you really should have began, and that all occurs once you start (sometimes months after you start).

Now people assume that it must be easy for another to start because of, input any privilege here, but that is an excuse you made up to feel better about YOUR OWN DECISION to not do the thing you want to start. Perhaps not even want, but NEED to start. Struggling to start lies within us all, but with practice it becomes easier and easier.

It all begins now. It all begins in the first moment you press start.

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The pause before an action is the key to the world being at your fingertips. When something occurs, taking a breathe and pausing before reacting lends to having numerous more options than simply following whatever train of thought, or whatever action is your immediate reaction. That momentary pause allows for change to occur, allows for new habits to form, it is where the universe lies, it is where power is held. The pause gives just enough to think, and to move without wasting effort. No power is held without a pause, without that momentary breathe.

Sometimes a pause lasts a second, sometimes it isn't even noticed but was taken, and new possibilities arose from it. This practice of pausing, of breathing before reacting is the key to growth, to changed behavior. Instead of funneling into one option, the funnel now has 3 options. That is what life is about, creating options for oneself. These options are where freedom lies. That is how powerful it is to take a pause. Imagine having infinitely more freedom because their isn't only one choice, their are multiple.

Thinking of this as meaningless, is a false way of being. This is life, a series of choices. The more choices that are created, the more freedom. It is as simple as that. Though to seek more choices, is to seek more responsibility, and responsibility is not something to be shrunk away from. Responsibility is also not something that should be accepted as easily as one, two, three. It is a burden, but a rightful burden.

Action. Pause. Breathe. Action.

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Frustration & Growing Pains

Whenever we work on a difficult project, a new project that is not in our typical domain of knowledge we hit this point of frustration, where we simply want to quit and begin to get annoyed at every little thing that is occurring. Now this isn't an occurrence that occurs because of any particular project, but an occurrence of learning. When we stop learning and start getting comfortable in our own thinking, in our knowledge, and this is when frustration of new ways of being occur.

We begin to get frustrated once we reach a challenge because we want to avoid learning, avoiding giving up on the way we used to do things, or simply avoiding using our brains to do what they were designed to do, which is learn and adapt to new situations. The more frustration arises, the more important it is you accomplish the task, perhaps that means stepping away for a minutes or maybe it simply involves pushing through the frustration until you are done; the one thing that can't be denied is the fact that you must do the task at hand.

From frustration, from resistance, we grow beyond what we are right now, to something we can be, to something more. So everytime we have the choice between going towards the frustration(resistance) or going away from it, pick going towards. Even if it means suffering a little bit, because it is telling you where you will grow the most. Where the next step for you is.

It is your guiding light, your north star.

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What Do You Do When You Falter?

Somedays we stumble, and we falter perhaps we falter physically but more than likely we falter mentally or emotionally - so what do you do when that happens? What is the next action, once you notice yourself start to stumble down a winding path, we call a spiral? Do we allow it to continue and see where it leads? Do we get so absorbed that we don't even know we are spiraling? Or do we try to slow the descent into rock bottom? Those questions are useful but not important, the important question is what safeguards do you have in place to stop you from being destroyed on your way down?

Have we ever taken the time to place safeguards or to notice how we react when we start going down a spiral? Do we reach out to others? Do we feed the negative thinking, do we... What do we do? How do we protect ourselves? Or perhaps you have the nature of ""eh whatever, it doesn't matter"".

It doesn't matter what you believe, it doesn't matter what you think, what matters is what occurs; knowing what will occur is essential to being able to grasp at the slippery slope, before you are half way down and going too fast to slow down (reasonably).


When I wrote this, my mind is in a fog, I'm not used to waking up early anymore hahahah. I also feel as if not writing for 12 days, has decreased the sharpness of my writing, like a blade that is stowed away for a long period of time, it loses it's sheen and it's edge.

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Reflection without Action

Everyone says to reflect more, reflect more on your actions, your thoughts and life. Take some time and sit with yourself and reflect on what is going on. Let's assume we took the time to reflect, now what? Now we have reflected, we have gotten to some conclusions or to some interesting questions, but isn't that pointless? Reflection is something that is essential to ones well being, but it is not the end all be all as we believe it to be.

With reflection comes knowledge, and knowledge is a wonderful thing to gain but it is not everything. We carry knowledge as if it was gold, or more so uranium. Uranium is useless without application (that is why knowledge is uranium), without doing the work to make it useful, to make it dangerous. Helpful when it is utilized but for the better part of human society we have not utilized uranium, for the better part of our lives we do not utilize knowledge. We sit on it, and learn more, gain more knowledge yet we do nothing with that knowledge. We reflect, so that we can learn, we reflect so we can become better, yet it never comes with any action.

Reflection is great, but it comes at a cost, the cost of action. One may reflect all they wish but without action it is meaningless and that is the cost of reflection.


I've reflected a lot about life, actions, and just anything that is possible to reflect on - it is great, but it comes with an understanding that it is meaningless without doing anything. This understanding means that when you reflect you know you must act upon on the reflection that was made, and if that isn't done then what occurs? You lose. You feel like trash, because you know you aren't living your best life.

When you know you are letting yourself down, it causes a wallowing inside which will persist until you do the action.

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Holding onto Thoughts/Feelings

Breaking the habit of a certain thought or feeling is extremely difficult but something we should all approach and attempt to do with things we believe are not beneficial to our well beings. This can range from a repeating thought of "I'm an idiot" to a repeating thought of an ex, these thoughts and everything in-between cause us problems, hold us back from living a fully enriched life. They pull us away from the now, they pull us away from the joys we experience on a daily basis, yet we rarely attempt to look at these little things (sometimes not little things), because they bring up negative emotions, an icky feeling of "I shouldn't do this" and then the feeling of "I can do it later" - later is the death of everything we hold dear to our hearts, it is where dreams go to die.

First(note for myself: When I wrote first, I thought it looked wrong, so I wrote first and that brought me back to grade 1, learning how to spell first, and that in turn brought a smile to face, and warmth to my heart.) identify the thought or feeling that is repeating and which when you look at gives you the uneasy feeling of "I can do this later" or "this isn't important". Now most of us have a few of these, so pick one that arises.

Now what? Now what do we do once we have one of these thoughts or feelings of uneasiness, almost to the point of wanting to throw up. We must explore that feeling, because that feeling of throwing up, that is resistance, and resistance occurs when their is something important to look at - something important to break apart.

To explore this feeling, we must start by asking questions, why is it arising, what are the things that provoke this thought/feeling, who is this feeling/thought hurting, why is their attachment to this thought/feeling (does it have to do with the ego? About self importance? Or the self in general?), why is their judgement here, is this judgement really about myself (what about this judgement of this person, this idea, this thought, this feeling etc, mean? What does it say about me, where is it guiding me). These questions are just to get us started, they are not the end all be all of questions - the more questions you ask, the more you try to be curious about why things are arising the way they are, the better off you will be. The important thing is to explore deep as possible, really get to the bottom of the question (there is no bottom, but try to go as far as you can, then go a little further) - this is where width is less important, but depth is key. Get out of the shallow end and get into the deep end, explore.

This is all easy to say, but extremely difficult to practice. (I am thinking about this is with a problem I am having, and I can feel how nervous I am to do it. How I feel like writing this piece is good enough, this counts - I sorta thought about the problem, but did I? No. I didn't put in the actual effort to make a change.) There are two ways to go about this, one is purely mental, thinking about the problem and breaking it apart and asking questions, the other is writing it out, writing out the problem and writing out the actual thinking pattern. This writing will allow you to see the circular thinking, allow you to see a theme and also allow you to explore different things.

That brings up a question, can you logic your way to an answer? Or is it something that will come as a realization? So is writing the wrong way to go about it? Would it be better to feel things out and ask questions and just explore? Can that be done through writing? Is meditation and the way of realization done through logic? Logic that isn't logical until it is. It all begins as intellectual thinking then their is a leap to something, something else.

*Note, this was probably the hardest thing I've written about with the brand Thoughts Of Contemplation - their are two things that top this writing in terms of emotional difficult, one was written in Feb 2020, and the other was written when I was in grade 3.

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Letting Go

We are terrified to let go of thoughts, of people, of ideas, of perceptions and everything else in existence. We prefer to hold onto things as tightly as we can believing that is for the best. That it is the right course of action, because we thought it, it MUST be true. Did we consider that we might be wrong? That we don't have to hold onto things with a death grip? Now perhaps we did consider that, perhaps we did consider that letting go was the best course of action. Now what? You have a rough idea of what to do, but how does one go about it? How does one let go of thoughts or things that we believe we created?

It all begins with the age old idiom practice makes perfect, so a new question arises; how do we practice? It all begins with the mental, we must begin where it is first noticed and that is the thoughts that occur in the mind. This is where meditation can be super useful, and that is the example we will start with.

When we close our eyes thoughts begin to rapidly appear, and we are somewhat shocked at the amount of thoughts occurring in our mind, but that is what is always happening our brains simply filter out most things. Now some of these thoughts are sticky and they are the ones where we spend a few seconds to a few minutes thinking about - these are the ones we need to let go. The first step begins with noticing the sticky thought, then pausing and beginning to let go of the thought. This happens with a few steps, the first step is to acknowledge the thought, then letting it go slowly (this is not pushing the thought out of your mind, or trying to run away from the thought). This slow letting go process involves letting the thought be, and attempting to no longer engage in it and watching the strings of attachment and slowly releasing them. Now we believe doing that is easy, no it is hard as hell - so practice doing that, maybe you can only do it with one thought out of ten, but practice with every thought, with every idea. The important part is getting into the habit of being aware of thinking occurring and trying to let go of the attachment to the thinking.

We drive those thoughts to keep going, getting sucked into them like a black hole that is why that practice of letting go of the thoughts is so important. It begins with meditation, because when you are meditating that is all you are doing, your focused on doing that one thing. Then it will extend to your life, your very way of being, it'll become easier to let go of negative emotion you are feeling towards another, or a thought that occurred that sucked you in. We become less and less inclined to follow the thoughts that occurring, we become less addicted to thinking and following the thoughts to completion. We can finally be free.

How long does this take? Fuck if anyone knows, it can take 60 minutes of practice or 10,000 minutes of practice - the point isn't for it to happen but to practice letting go. Here is a kicker, practice letting go of it happening hahahahaha - it all begins within.

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Addiction To Thinking

Thought. Thought. Thought. Thought. Thought. Thought. Thought. Thought. Thought. Thought. Thought. They just keep on going, the thoughts a barrage that never ends. We are constantly having thoughts arise, and then engaging with those thoughts at a never ending pace having nothing to show for it except stress. Assuming that the problem is thoughts and them constantly bombarding us, but that isn't it. Thoughts will always arise, and they will always occur but the real issue lies right under the surface, and that is us engaging in thoughts. Though we are getting too far ahead of ourselves, the first question we should ask is what is a thought? Is it something that arises in the mind, like ah I wonder what's for lunch or ah that was the sound of a car, what car? hmmm maybe a honda civic, or are thoughts more than just what arises in the mind? Can thoughts be emotions too? Emotions/Feelings are felt then thought about, sometimes they are thought about then felt, but both of these things involves thoughts, because otherwise we wouldn't be aware of the feeling or the emotion, we would be living. Or perhaps if we were simply living, we would be fully aware of all the thoughts and emotions that arise? Damn that is a great question - would the ability to step away and live allow us to fully feel every emotion and thought without the engagement of those things? Would that be the answer, or is the only way to be aware of an emotion is a thought. Thoughts are the staple of what we consider "us", but they are not us, we do not control when a thought arises or how it arises. They come and go like the songs of a bird, we lacking any control over them.

(I'm getting hella off topic, and this is where the rabbit hole of thoughts occurs, we can keep going on and on in different directions to fully understand thoughts, but they are beyond us. We just go on various tangents and various directions, because that is what thoughts are, they are anything and will lead us anywhere if we attach ourselves to them - now this does not mean we can't follow them along with gentle curiosity, but it does mean that we can't hold onto thoughts as if we own them YET WE FUCKEN DO.)

Now back to the topic on hand, we love thinking, we may hate the results of thinking but we are addicted to thinking. We think constantly and crave it when it is not occurring, we follow the thoughts along like they is a morphine dripping keeping us feeling dazed and elated. So we chase the thoughts, we chase our daydreams to claim them as our own, to claim them as if they are ours - yet we have no control over them, we have no intention to think in any direction (most of the time), when we do setout an intention, where did that intention come from? Where did the thought to think in that direction come from? Further more, where did that thought come from - see what is happening? We can keep asking this question, and it will never end - IT IS ENDLESS, because that is what thoughts are. So when we take a moment to claim a thought, or claim a feeling we are shooting ourselves in the foot, because thoughts and feelings MUST BE HEARD & FELT, but never owned. This is where the idea of gentle curiosity occurs, this is where it will hold you to reality, whatever that may be. It keeps us moving, keeps us in the moment and free.

This idea of freedom is an important one, because to be free we can tie ourselves down to a concept, to an idea, to a thought, or to a feeling. Picture depression, that keeps us tied down, it keeps us stuck, because then we believe WE ARE THAT THING - we keep that pattern and circle going. Stuck in a pattern. How can we escape if we believe that thought/feeling/idea is something WE ARE.

Addicted to thinking. To stop it, we must let go.

(This topic has multiple topics in one, so it is something I must work on - something I need to write more about)

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Treating Symptoms

We focus on treating symptoms and not the underlying cause of practically everything, let's say you feel a constant state of anxiety - what is the next step? There can be two different approaches one is treating the symptoms and then fixing the underlying issue, or the other is fixing the underlying issue and using the symptoms as a guide, but we as people take the first approach and never fully but only a bit. We find a problem, in this case anxiety and we treat the symptoms and when these symptoms decrease we consider ourselves cured but we aren't, are we? These symptoms re-arise reminding us, hey look at me; I'm not fixed yet, then we do the same thing we did before which is treating the symptoms but never the underlying issue.

Sometimes to fix the underlying issue is a massive undertaking but if it is never being attempted will it ever be fixed? Or are we shoveling more and more under the carpet until we reach a point where we have to face everything or it'll destroy us.

Now we only took the concept of anxiety into consideration but we can assume this for any issue we are facing or have dealt with. One must EASE the symptoms then work on fixing the underlying issue, we may fail at fixing the underlying issue but if we even repair it by 10% that is infinitely better than what we were originally facing which was all of it. Now we are only dealing with 90% of it, and we are allowed to take our foot off the gas and take a breather and just continue to ease the symptoms then attempting it again. We failed again but this time we dealt with 25% of the problem because we have gotten better at facing the underlying issue and we had a smaller piece of it to deal with. We are down to 65% of the remaining issue - isn't that tremendously better?

This is all easy in theory but requires a ton of work, that is why being okay about failing at the task is okay - it is practice, as we gain experience we get better at tackling the issue and that is what it comes down to. Simply getting better at solving the underlying issue, without just treating the symptoms.

We are all facing issues, we all have a choice on how we deal with those issues - figure out what works for you, figure out if you have someone who knows you, and can provide you with an objective view point on situations/issues then proceed forward.

2 steps forward, 1 step backwards.

Or better yet, sometimes we are going 3 steps backwards, and if we can slow that down to 1 step backwards isn't that a tremendous achievement?

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Betting On Yourself

Sometimes we come up with ideas and we are unsure whether we should move forward with those ideas, perhaps because they are bad ideas or perhaps you do not trust yourself to win. We lack the ability to bet on ourselves, because we fear we will be wrong. Now we can all justify fearing failure, some of us believe we will lose money, others afraid of embarrassing themselves and others still simply can not stand finding faults in. Now the path as an outsider is clear, just do it, just believe in yourself and you won't fail; isn't that a false statement though? Wouldn't the better statement be, you may fail, you may lose money, but you should still start the project, you should still believe in yourself because even if you fail, even if you 'lose' you will have learned something and gained some lessons along the way - wouldn't that be the better answer?

Of course we will fail, of course we will ""lose"" but that is apart of playing the game we call life. We can not simply sit idly and bet on others, but we would strongly prefer to do that. It is much easier to put all the weight on another, or more accurately to never take up your own weight, because we do not like to take responsibility for our own lives, we refuse to shape our own worlds in case we fail, or the even greater fear of succeeding. This is why we refuse to take chances on ourselves, to believe in ourselves and follow our dreams/passions.

Betting on ourselves comes at a cost which is being responsible for everything that occurs, but it is also comes with a freedom. A freedom where you do not need to follow another, a freedom to go wherever you want, to choose your own path - this freedom does not mean you will be alone, but this freedom does mean you will find others who are also on the path you have chosen - the one where you bet on yourself.

Success may follow you. Failure may follow you. Learning WILL follow you. So pick wisely the next time you have an idea you want to explore, the next time you have a chance to believe in yourself. Pick wisely.

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Ownership of Thoughts

We believe we create our own thoughts, we believe that we are the the thinkers, that we own everything that occurs within our minds, yet none of us can tell another where their thoughts arise from. Sit down and watch the thoughts occur, none of us can tell ourselves where the first thought originated from, we simply have them. They occur as an onslaught, and we get swept right up in them, all the while thinking we are in control, that we are in a boat riding the calm seas and not just in a whirlpool without a boat.

Thoughts continue to arise, sometimes randomly, sometimes off of something else that randomly occurred, yet we all claim they are OUR thoughts, that we are the commanders of the thoughts, yet we aren't, are we? We never pick that we will begin thinking now, and that we should think of a red truck. Where did the idea of thinking of a red truck come from? Where did that thought come from for this piece of writing? Perhaps it came from seeing a firetruck a few years ago, or a red sharpie on a desk, or perhaps it simply arose out of thin air? Which idea seems the most uncomforting, as that is the thing to look at.

Let's assume the most uncomforting idea is that it simply arose out of thin air; what does this mean for life? What does it mean for the idea of owning our thoughts? It throws it out the metaphorical window - it means that thoughts are simply just arising without any control or input from us, that we lack the ability to own our thoughts and thus have to let them simply breathe and live without our interference. Now doesn't that mean if we think we are stupid that we don't have to own that thought? Doesn't that mean we do not have believe in that thought? Or put weight into it? Then what about the thought that we are a genius, wouldn't the same apply?

This concept of not owning ones thoughts and we could easily extend this to feelings means we never have to put weight into what arises as being right or wrong, yet we do. We make some thoughts seem more important than others, we make other thoughts seem like foolish ideas that can never be true, yet where are these ideas of better and worse based off of? The imagination. How it makes us feel? How do we determine which thoughts hold more weight when all thoughts are simply just arising without any effort on our parts? Could it be that previously held beliefs influence us, they shape which thoughts hold more weight and which ones do not?

This brings us back to do we simply get rid of all the things we believe, will that give us the clarity to simply view thoughts and feelings as simply that? Thoughts and feelings. Or is it something more that we need, a stronger will power in order to push past the thoughts, or it could be more curiosity about the thoughts, about ""oh, where did this come from"", ""how did this arise"", ""why do I feel so strongly about this thought"" etc etc.

Now we get back to the age old pattern of thinking, perhaps all we need is the ability to let go and be gently curious about what is arising. Removing (letting go) of the idea that something is ours, or better yet that someone is ours.

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Consequences, Consequences Of Choices/Decisions Etc.

Choices arise every second that we are alive, we can head in any direction from any point that we are at, so which direction should be travel in? Now the choice really isn't which direction, but which what choice will have the ideal outcome we want. We end up contemplating on the choices we make or don't make because we want to be right; we don't want to be wrong, we don't want the consequences to befall on us. So we travel in this loop of this is the right way, no this is the right way, switching directions every few moments or sometimes we pick a direction thinking it is correct and bolt down it, realizing halfway through that this was the wrong path, but we already spent so much time going down this path, if we go backwards(if we change our minds) then we are 'losing' time, we 'lost' all that energy. We didn't lose that time, nor that energy; what we gained is knowledge and insight both of which are invaluable. So we do think so much about consequences of our actions and other times completely ignoring the consequences believing that they do not matter?

Should we think about the consequences of every action before acting? Should we always stay in our minds to make sure we don't 'lose' or face negative consequences? Or do we throw caution out, and just make decisions without ever thinking of the consequences or more accurately trying to control the future. THAT IS IT! We are trying to control the future when we are contemplating consequences, all actions have consequences whether they are positive or negative we will never truly know beforehand. So it all comes down to control, we are trying to control the future and that is why we think about all the consequences, now the real question arises is this bad? Or is this good? It doesn't matter, the thing that matters is we think about the consequences of our actions and then proceed with full acceptance of those consequences. That is the thing, we can't control the future, we can't understand all the consequences but we can accept them as possibilities and then proceed full force forward, with holding the willingness to change direction at any moment, with the willingness to slow down and truly contemplate our actions or our reactions.

Think about the future, think about the consequences of our actions but do not try to control and bend the consequences to your liking. Accept them, and proceed forward, without regret.

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Goals & Expectations

We have all heard that having goals is important to live a good life, to have direction and to not fall folly to the wind, but when do we stop? Once we have set goals, we begin to chase after them to achieve them, because we have an expectation that life will be better if we did achieve them. So we achieve the goal and release, hmmm ""I am not happy, I need a new goal"", so when we say I need to reach $10,000 to be... we really mean $100,000 to be... but oh wait we really mean $1,000,000 to be... It turns into a rat race of setting a goal achieving it, then setting the next goal and striving for more and MORE - when will it ever end? To what end is the purpose of this chase? Does this make goals bad? Does this mean we shouldn't have goals, because then we are chasing some arbitrary thing, but without goals we will simply be a leaf in the ends of a hurricane, simply being tossed around and changing directions constantly. Where does the correct answer lie?

Goals are important, we need goals but what we don't need is the expectations that goals hold because that will lead to us running the rat race with all the cares in the world. If we take out expectations, then what the fuck is the point of the goal? Where did it come from, if not desire? Are we still the leaf in the hurricane? We want to workout because we believe it will make us happy or it'll attract a pretty girl/handsome man, the goal arose because of a desire which in turn held an expectation.

A new questions arises, what are goals without expectations. How can we set meaningful goals to direct our life without desiring some sort of expectation. Perhaps it all begins within setting goals that arise from a desire and being aware of that desire and the expectations associated with the goal. Then striving towards that goal while simultaneously letting go of the attachment to the results of the achieving that goal. That is a hard thing to achieve, and a hard concept to grasp.

Of course we could continue to set goals and attempt to achieve them and simply being curious as to why those goals are being set, what motivations led to us setting them and what expectations are being held onto and how tightly they are being held; this would be the key that unlocks the door to figure out how to have goals and a sense of direction without being consumed by the goals.

We all want more, but we all need less.

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Reality (Re-written in the manner TT suggested)

--- So much resistance to rewriting it, because I am afraid it will be bad hahahaha What defines reality? How can we say what is true and what is real? These are the questions that arise while sitting outside, unable to hear the traffic that we know is there but simply can not hear, that is until it is heard. Our minds filtering out the sound of the cars and erasing it from our experience to the point where we begin to question whether their were cars for that 5 minute break that we were reading, or that 1 hour break where we heard nothing expect for the wind and the voice in our head as we read. Then if asked if we heard cars driving our immediate response is "yes, there was a lot of car noise" but if we carefully reflect back on the experience we can not recall the car noise, though our brains filled in the noise. If we were to take two different individuals and sat them outside, one whom did not hear any car noises for an extended period of time and the other who heard the car noises the entire time and asked them each were their car noises. The second person would say with the upmost conviction their were car noises the entire time, whereas the second person may hastly say that their are car noises but upon further inspection would say they hadn't heard any car noises. Now who is telling the truth? Whose reality is real? Person A, the one who heard no car noises, or Person B who heard car noises? Which person is more right?

If we took both of these people and told them to discuss if their were car noises, they would most likely get into a feud over who is right? Now we can take the revolutionary idea that perhaps both are right, from their own experiences of their reality they are correct - so what does this mean for reality?

It means it is flucating depending on the experience had, neither Person A nor Person B are telling a lie, each is experessing their personal realities. How the fuck can we say someone else is wrong and we are right, when we are simply basing life on our individual experience of it? We are telling our truths and our reality is different than others, and that is where true conflict arises. It is all based upon the perspective you have, all based upon the experience you personally have had.

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Since we were children we began to make little agreements with the people, things and the world, these agreements have lead us to where we are now. We continously listened and followed what adults told us, if we didn't we would be reprimanded for going against the norm. This led us to unknowningly cultivate habits, and make promises to ourselves and the world that have been deeply engrained into the fiber of our beings. Some of these agreements are useful ones, such as walking on the right hand side of the hallway as children then to adults walking on the right side of the sidewalk others are less than useful, such as ... These agreements all influence us, and shape the way we view the world. Agreements can range from small things from holding the door open people to bigger things like needing social media or telling white lies. (Honestly I can't think of agreements I make personally and that we all make just because their is resistance to talking about it, to being honest with myself about those things, because then I have to do the work to break those agreements and let's be real we all try to actively and passively avoid it)

Now the issue isn't having agreements, the issue is our attachment to the agreements and in our lack of encouragement to change these agreements when they no longer serve us. We stick with agreements even if they hinder us because we were taught that once you make an agreement you can not walk away from that agrement nor alter it in anyway, this stops us from living our best life because we are sticking with things we don't believe in. We make agreements to fit in and to keep the standard of life and the way it is the same, but by doing so we severly limit our potentional of growth and limit our happiness. We are afraid to take a step into the unknown, to make new agreements that serve us better, that would help us be happier.

Some of us were lucky where most of our agreements are positive and help us, but that doesn't mean that we do not struggle to let go of old agreements that do not server us, old promises we didn't know we made that stop us from living a good life. This is where meditation, curiosity and questioning come in handy they help us break apart agreements we have made to the world and made to ourselves, they also help expose ourselves to new ways of thinking instead of just being closed off to the world, or as TT would say having a mind full of walls, where no new ideas can enter.

Question the way you think, explore the depths of the sea within you and begin to shape the future whether that be within that deep sea or out in outer space. It all begins with a question, it all begins with some curiosity.

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Selfishness begins and ends with us, isn't that what it is all about? We like to believe our actions of helping others are from the goodness of our own hearts, or someone telling us that they want us to drive safely is from the goodness of their hearts, but aren't both these actions selfish? Others tell us to drive safely so that we don't die, or get hurt which will end up hurting them, as they will miss us or have to remove time from their lives to accomdate our recovery from injury. We help others because their lives being better makes our life a little easier, or helping them makes us feel good about ourselves. Are all those afromentioned examples of selfishness? Or are they simply life happening and coming from the goodness of our hearts?

Now that we have a little bit of a sour taste in our mouth let's consider selfishness and how we perceive it. We view selfishness as inherently bad, and wrong but why is it wrong? Why is bad to want to make your life easier, while also helping others? We hold steadfast on the idea that selfishness is a bad thing, but what if it isn't? What if it is actually the best thing for us and we are simply used to thinking of it as a bad thing? Selfishness is not the same thing as an unethical act, a wickedess act, but it isn't; inherently it is looking out for oneself (which we all have a moral obligation to do) and looking out for those one cares for. Can we see anything wrong with that? A wicked act would be to purposefully destroy another for the sake of destroying, not for the sake of protecting everything one charises. Hmmmm that right there is extremely important, that right there is the key factor. To look out for oneself is not a selfish act, but a benevolent act.

Or perhaps selfishness is inherently a bad trait, and we as humanbeings are evil creatures that are bent on the destruction of others.


The true issue arises with our stubborn and entrenched definitions of words, feelings and thoughts. One must shatter them in order to rebuild and reprogram themselves into who they want to be, not what the world shovled down their throats. That is why concepts that we feel are fundamentally incorrect or definitions of words garner so much resistance. We hold onto them and everything else so tightly as if they are the only thing keeping us tethered to this world.

Perhaps they are. Perhaps that is the whole entire issue, we want to be tethered to this world because it is 'safe', it is known to us, whereas a world where we strip away everything we were taught is unknown to us, and we fear the unkown like it is the devil. Maybe the devil is good and god is evil. Maybe it doesn't even matter. Maybe they don't even exist. Maybe.

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Are You Worthy?

What determines if you deserve anything? How do you know if you have earned it? We walk the path of flip flopping on what we deserve, and what we are worthy of but why do we think we are the best characters at judging if we are worthy? If we jump back in time to the topic of "Doing & Fate" then shouldn't the answer be simple? That we can not think we deserve something, that to deserve something is to truly know oneself and to know destiny, but we can't know either. We can have a good estimation of who we are but we are forever morphing and changing thus leading us to never know who we are. Then how can we know what we deserve? We defintely can't know destiny.

This brings into consideration bad things that happen in our life and if we deserve them, the answer is no but also yes. We think of good and bad as if they are two sides split in a linear fashion, but they are not, - they are simply figments of our imagination - we decide what is good or bad when we think about the what has occured, when we think of what the 'thing' is. So for someone to believe they deserve to get something is foolish, BUT it is ALSO foolish to think they deserve nothing - do you see. We should strip away from the idea of deserving because we are flawed beings, that merrily justify our goods and our bads without thinking objectively.

We are all worthy of getting everything we desire, but we are also all worthy of getting everything we despise, because that is the way of the world. We can reach for the stars, we can reach for the dirt but whatever we deserve is decided upon our own perspective. Our perspective and our experiences shape what we believe we deserve, wether that is being loved or being despised.

So shouldn't we be kinder to ourselves? Allowing ourselves to truly live and experience the world, with whatever arises? Instead of trying to justify what we do and do not deserve?

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How does one fix their self-worth when they are on the path to get rid of their ego? We talk mad shit about ourselves all the time, and when all seems quiet we can fear the negativity in the corner of our mind and yet we do nothing to fix. We sometimes head down the path of meditation to 'fix' and remove the ego, but does that fix one's self worth? Or does that simply remove the self from the equation - does that count as fixing the self worth equation? Since self is no longer involved in the equation, it doesn't matter what the results are. Can we come to grips with the ego and remove it as an obstacle while also no longer speaking negatively towards ourselves? Is that possible?

All these questions, yet no real answers. The idea of self-worth comes from within, it comes from the ego. Self-worth is brought into the equation when their is something that it is being compared to, when their is some expectation it is not reaching, and that all comes from the ego; the ego isn't bad, but it is our relationship to the ego that turns everything sour. We expect things to be a certain way, we expect ourselves to workout everyday, so when we fail we beat the mental and emotional shit out of ourselves on a moment to moment basis. Now imagine this cycle with little things, forgetting to read before bed, causing someone pain over a small accident etc etc. We start compounding all this negative energy and directing it within ourselves, to slowly rot our self-worth away.

That isn't the only option we have. We can tell ourselves we will workout everyday, and not have a death grip on the expectation then if it falls through notice and recognize our 'shortcoming' then create an action plan to stop the failure from occurring and move forward. MOVE FORWARD without carrying the baggage of the past, without carrying the weight of the 'failure'. Wouldn't that be the best thing for our self-worth? It also discounts us from the ego - which is the best of both worlds, finally we can service ourselves.

The way to healthy self-worth is disconnecting from the ego and truly allowing yourself to live.

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What defines reality? What can we truly say is real? I see the world, I see the words appearing as I type but are they real? I sat outside this morning reading and at one point I realized "huh I wonder where all the noise is" then it came rushing in (I live near a highway so cars, and more cars are always speeding by). WHere was all that noise when I was reading? When I was listening to music sitting in the sun? My focus was extremely high to the point where the world around me stopped existing and it was only me and the action I was doing - it is/was beautiful, but it made all the questions I had previously arise. What is real? What is this thing we call reality? Where does it begin and where does it end?

Logically I 'knew' there was always those cars driving, but if we pulled back all those assumptions we made about those cars being there and only take the raw experience I had then what do we get? Where do we end up? We end up with the only logical conclusion which is there was no noise, there were no cars; if I didn't experience it, did it happen? Let us say my brother was sitting with me this morning and an officer comes by and asks us each sepretely, "Did you hear cars driving by?" - I would say no I didn't, not until a second ago, whereas my brother would say yes there were lots of cars. Which one us is intentionally lying? Which one of us is misinformed? Think aboiut it - to each one of our experiences we were telling the truth. Our truths for the same experience were different, but which one was more like reality?

Fuck. How does one determine which reality is more right, is more true? They are both just figments of what each of us experienced. So how can we ever deem another as stupid for saying their experience of reality is different than the one that is agreed upon by everyone else? This only occurs when you strip away the assumptions we are all making on a daily basis. Consider your emotions, fuck consider my own emotions - which ones am I really feeling? Which ones are simply coming from memories that have altered and shifted from the original event, because of all the assumptions made between the event/experience and NOW - when I am recalling that memory. Makes you think doesn't it? We put so much weight into emotions, into thoughts, into reality when it all boils down to nothing, to simply experience.

It sorta makes everything seem pointless, but it isn't; it makes life all that more exciting, EVERY SINGLE EXPERIENCE IS DIFFERENT. Me sitting today and typing are different experiences and recollections of the event - so what is true? What is reality?

Now we get to the age old question "If a tree falls in a forest and no one is around does it make a sound?"

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Stepping Into The Unknown

Why do we fear the unknown? What is the unknown? How does it arise? Alas the questions that trouble the troubled mind. First some backstory: TT(Tinkered Thinking, get used to the shorthand) mentioned a method of reading, where he would purchase the audiobook and the physical book so he could listen to it at 3x speed and read it at the same time to really grind out the reading. Now isn't this an ingenious idea? A simple idea? A $30 idea to test out (if you have audible), which can incredibly enhance the absorption and the speed at which one reads, yet I haven't done this. There is fear arising of the unknown, like what if I fail at this, what if I waste $30, what if it is SUCCESSFUL, what if... This hypothesis that TT had and shared with me, is a simple one, an easy one test without any real consequences, yet so much fear of the unknown has arisen when I think about it. Imagine all the things that are bigger than simply READING, that have a greater implication. Imagine all the unknownness we are experiencing on a daily basis, on a moment to moment basis. So much fear arising towards the unknown.

We are scared to step into the unknown because we lack the ability to let go of control, I lack the ability to completely let go of control. The unknown is simply that, unknown. I do not fear death but I fear the unknown, but death is unknown to us. So isn't that a foolish thing within itself? We like to have control or a sense of direction, but the decisions that truly change things for us are the ones where we can not control things, where we are stepping into the unknown, perhaps falling for a little bit, or landing on our ass but that is apart of the journey of falling.

The ability to step into the unknown is something that we can cultivate, something we can engrave into our soul, wouldn't that be wonderful? To have the power to completely let go of this egotistical attempt to control everything. Then you could go out and apply for that job, you could go out and ask out that hot chick or that hot guy. It all starts off small though, it starts off by jumping into the unknown with little things, ie buying the audiobook and reading a book at the same time, or a less specific example is allowing the idea of success enter your mind and stay their for a little bit. I have run out of mindspace to continue writing their is a lot more to this topic, but it is honestly very simple too. Step into the darkness. Step into the unknown, allow yourself to fall and perhaps you'll find out you can fly. Perhaps I will find out if I can fly.

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Doing & Fate

When we move about, when 'we' decide to start a new project, when 'we' decide to go to the washroom is that fate? Is that our own personal free will? Where does free will begin and where does it end? When 'I' finally ended up writing, working out they all just happened, - yes motherfucker I had planned to do them, yes there was a conscious effort involved, but couldn't that all have been fate? - it simply arose, like a tree in a forest there was no moment where a being could pin point, ah yes this was when it was all decided. It all felt like the 100s of other times I said I would workout, that I would write; simply lies upon lies, because I never ended up writing, nor did I end up working out consistently. This time was different there was a definite moment where there was a shift, but it was unknown until it occurred.

We take the idea of fate as 'I will sit in this chair until something happens, it's all up to fate if I meet the girl of my dreams' but what if it was fate that, that thought would occur in your mind? What if it was fate that you would get up and start working out, what if it was fate that you would meet this girl at the gym? Even if free will doesn't exist then wouldn't all actions be apart of fate? Including the ones you deem as positive? Isn't that fate? We can change it all because that is apart of fate.

I do not think about going to the washroom, while I do, but not in the way most believe. Pause. Let's do an experiment: next time you go to the washroom, consider what came first, the urge to go the washroom then the thought 'I need to go to the washroom' or if the thought 'I should go to the washroom' then the urge. For me it is always the urge then the justification, the thought.

We like to be in control so we justify actions, we try to control the universe but it is uncontrollable - the current state of affairs(COVID-19) could not be controlled nor could it have been forseen. This world is beyond control, and the idea of free will arises from that seeking to control. We want to believe we are 100% in control, let us assume we are, then what? Is your life better? Let's assume we are not in control. Is your life better? Or are you still the same?

It doesn't matter whether you believe in freewill or believe in fate, doing arises then actions either occur or do not occur. In everything we come to a fork they lead to different places, but you can not predict where, only assume where, so pick a direction and go. Follow fate. Follow freewill. They are one and the same.


Free will doesn't exist, things arise then you end up doing them or not doing them. You do not decide ah yes now I am going to think about a cheeseburger, fuck I didn't even decide to think of using the word cheeseburger. It all just arises out of nothing, yes past conditioning impacts it but how did that occur? So forth and so forth. THings just arise and then we justify to feel that sense of control. We lust for control.

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What is desire? It is the wanting and the longing for things, for situations and it is also for the wanting of things NOT to happen or things NOT to be the way they are. Desire creates friction within us, we are no longer fulfilled with the present moment, we seek for more, and when we receive what we desired, we realize we do not want it, that it now causes us more pain. Yet we continue to desire things, desiring a better circumstance. Hahaha consider this, we desire to no longer desire. Isn't that fucked?

The thing we want to happen is to longer desire things, but even that is a desire; aren't we going around in circles? Why am I saying we? When really I mean I, because I is all I know, we is what I assume - though I feel like we is more correct, like I = we, that the me I perceive is more than just me. It feels like mankind is me, so therefore it must be written as we, but this thought/feeling/idea is not perfectly solidified into the very fabric of being.

Back to desire. How do we stop desiring? How can something we were trained to do, that feels so engrained into our beings be destroyed, be able to be let go. Does this also begin with awareness of the desire arising, the lust for desire like a dog for water on a hot day. Does it begin with being aware of desire being present? Okay let's assume that, then what? Should I begin to question why their is desire, or to acknowledge it and accept it - but not follow it through, like a man that simply runs around for some tail without an purpose, useless.

Let's consider the current desire that has risen: the desire to be able to write forever. Okay awareness has been brought to it. Now what, question it's existence why do I desire this? My answer alternated from oh because I want to be able to provide something to the world and I don't know why... HOLY SHIT - is desiring simply a product of old patterns? Does that mean we should treat it in the same manner.

TT mentioned how "Desire is much like anything else. If you don't feed it, it goes away. This is true of addictions, curiosity, hunger, etc", if we take what he said then isn't the solution simple? Stop giving desire energy, direct that energy in a different direction AHHHH but that is still desiring.

Can we utilize desire to better understand ourselves? Isn't that a gift, if we can do that? Desire shows us old patterns of being, it shows us the manner in which we exist. It really is a precious gift. To acknowledge desire then to let go of it; perhaps that is the only way.

This brings into the idea of surrendering, what does it mean to surrender - how does one do that? It just happens, but isn't that such a foolish thing? Alas I am unsure. Perhaps a topic for another day.

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Old Patterns

Consider this, I just played DnD with everyone online, and I was feeling great about everything then near the end someone said she is moving to a new place next week and old emotions/patterns arose of this feeling of inadequacy, and the thought "woah I'm not doing anything, I'm not moving anywhere, I'm not...". Though if I clearly think about things, in my rational mind I attempted to remind myself of the fact that I am doing a lot and growing a lot internally and externally and these negative thoughts and the sinking feeling of hopelessness was residual habit energy. That just because I felt something, doesn't make it true, or just because some thoughts arose doesn't make them true or more important than other thoughts.

How do we get rid of old patterns? Old habit energy? I think it begins with awareness, when that old pattern arises, to notice it and note it within 'ah look at this, this is our previous pattern arising. Noticing it, bringing awareness on what is occurring is key, then not judging it for being bad or wrong, but simply what one must go through in order to move past it, onto the new patterns and habits that one is building. It always begins with awareness and acknowledgement of what is occurring, consider traveling to Vietnam, seeing all the people you meet, they all simply want to be acknowledged, treat everything you feel including positive emotions like that everything simply wants to be acknowledged. Once you have acknowledged everything then I am not sure how to rewire the old pattern.

Perhaps the next step is to redirect the mental energy onto the new patterns/habits one is trying to build, because where your energy lies is where everything occurs. Yes, we do not really control what arises in the mind, but it is influenced, it can be directed and that is the most important thing. To redirect our energy onto our current truth, and not to continue to spiral within the sphere of our old patterns/habits. THAT. THAT RIGHT THERE IS IMPORTANT. We shatter the path of spiraling down into the poison of our old path - that is the biggest thing, it doesn't need to be perfect but the more we work on it the better it becomes, we break that pattern those habits which are engraved into our bones. We truly improve ourselves.

The problem isn't that the old pattern arose, the problem is our reaction to when it arises. I could feel the spiral beginning, fuck it still isn't over (the spiral) but the biggest thing was I brought awareness 'ah yes, old pattern here', then (important to note, it was not quick, it was a slow process) breaking apart the negative thoughts/emotions seeing where the truth was. What was I truly feeling, what was truly happening.

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